Eunice, a stunning 28-year-old woman who was stabbed to death by her husband last weekend.
According to reports Eunice and her husband whose name has been (withheld) married just last year in a very wedding minimalist ceremony.
It was only after the wedding that Eunice got to know that her husband is a serial cheat and a womanizer also.
Before Eunice filed for divorce from her violent husband, she had suffered a series of both physical and mental abuses.
Although her husband had promised to have a change of his bad character to good but he never did and this is what influenced her to call the marriage a quit.
During one of their many heated arguments over the weekends, her husband used a cutlass to butcher her.
Unfortunately, she was pronounced dead after she was rushed to the hospital to receive treatment.
At the moment, the husband who committed the heinous crime is on the run.
Below are some pictures of the late Eunice, whose gruesome murder has left a lot of social media users who have come across the disheartening story teary.
A woman has reportedly lost her life while undergoing abortion to please her husband who doesn’t want a daughter.
This sad story was first shared onTwitter by a lady who’s believed to be close to the deceased woman who was forced into getting an abortion by her husband who wanted a son.
@_Mayowa_Sam revealed that the couple had three daughters before the recent pregnancy.
The woman’s husband who doesn’t want another girl child, made her undergo an abortion and she died after the procedure.
It was also gathered that the man has left the woman’s family in the dark since herdeath.
Read the tweets below to know more…
“This man asked his wife to go for an abortion, saying he is sure she’s carrying another baby girl. The wife died on Tuesday after the abortion. They had only 3 girls.
“The ladies family don’t know his whereabout at the moment.”
This man asked his wife to go for an abortion😭, saying he is sure she’s carrying another baby girl. The wife died on Tuesday after the abortion. 😭😭😭😭😭😭— BlackLuna (@_Mayowa_Sam) April 27, 2023
Brothers of a married woman have beaten their brother-in-law for refusing to refrain from beating his wife.
Apparently, the wife is said to have cried about suffering domestic violence on numerous occasions and her brothers eventually became fed up with the never-ending reports of assault. They stormed her house to teach her husband an unforgettable lesson for constantly beating their sister.
In a trending video, the strong brothers undressed the woman beater, tied him to a tree and gave him about 200 lashes at his bare back.
The husband who had finally met his meter can be heard in the video pleading and begging for mercy but his brothers-in-law refused to listen to him and proceeded to give him heartwrenching strokesat his back.
Watch the video below to know more…
This man enjoys beating his wife at any given opportunity n has refused to put a stop to that upon several warnings. The day finally came for his wife’s brothers to teach him a good lesson!! ? pic.twitter.com/rrsrh9Rc9C— Fitila ??? (@Pirtim) April 26, 2023
A Ghanaian man who has been eight years married has revealed his motivations for engaging in extramarital relationship.
For nearly a decade, Tee feels he’s alone in his marriage. The husband and father of four says his wife does not take up her role as the woman of the household.
In a no-hold back on Joy FM’s Super Morning Show, Tee claimed he is a responsible man who provides everything needed for his household, his wife, however, does not hold up her end of the bargain.
He says the situation has sucked out all the romance in the marriage and feels unloved.
“I’m a very responsible man, I have a wife and I sometimes ask her to do something for me, my intention is not to stress her, but she’ll tell ‘I don’t have time.’ This has been happening for a long time,” he told co-host Kojo Yankson.
“As a responsible man you go around and do everything for the family and the woman you decide to be with treats you as if you are a child staying with her,” he narrated.
Tee believes the situation is what propelled him to seek comfort outside his matrimonial home.
Narrating how he met the other woman, popularly called side chick, Tee said he was always buying food outside and this lady expressed concern.
Although he didn’t divulge the actual reason, Tee said the lady, who at the time was just a friend, has since taken on the role to ensure he is well-fed and taken care of.
“I’m not saying that it is a behaviour that everyone should do but sometimes the behaviour of some wives to push men into this behaviour. Men are like kids, if you don’t give your child food to eat, he will go somewhere to eat,” he said.
He further added that although it is not his wish to cheat on his better half, his wife’s behaviour has gradually pushed him away.
A Nigerian man is said to have passed away from shock after learning that his wife, whom he sponsored to relocate overseas for a better life, waspregnant by someone else.
This cruel story was shared by Twitter user @BolanleCole who claimed that the man had struggled to send his wife and two kids to the United Kingdom so they could have a better life while he remained in Nigeria.
Disappointingly, the wife started having an extramarital affair with another man when she arrived in her safe haven.
Their relationship resulted in pregnancy, which the husband only found out about it recently after his wife gave birth.
The tweep noted that the news of the woman’s infidelity and pregnancy was too much for the man to bear, leading to his sudden death.
In 2020, gospel musician Empress Gifty detailed how depressed she was when her husband of ten years, suddenly asked for a divorce.
What began as a happy journey ended in sorrow for her when news of their divorce spread in 2017 although there were rumours of a separation in 2014.
The divorce request was based on information someone gave the husband, as she was told.
10 years it was! The decade union between one of Ghana’s finest gospel musicians, formerly Gifty Osei and Prophet Prince Elisha Osei.
In 2017, the duo became the center of conversations on social media and major news platforms when news of the collapse of their marriage went rife.
Ghanaians were more shocked when it was reported that the two got separated in 2014 but managed to keep it solemn from the media and the general public.
Speaking passionately about her divorce journey on Restoration Show hosted by Stacy Amoateng, Empress Gifty detailed how depressed she was and the toll the ‘painful’ divorce had on her.
Just like a woman who loves her husband and children, the ‘Aseda’ hitmaker revealed she tried all possible means to save her marriage but her ex-husband was bent on exiting.
Speaking in the Twi dialect, Empress Gifty mentioned that her ex-husband made his divorce intentions known to her in 2012 when she was far away in Canada.
Reality dawned on her when she came to the realization that after all her attempts, divorce was staring glaringly at her face. The thought of what she was going to tell people, especially when she had made people believe her marriage was a perfect one, made her depressed.
“In 2012, he told me he wanted a divorce. I didn’t believe it. What will people say; I had bragged about my husband, I made people believe I have the best marriage ever, I am okay, I am the best woman ever! So who was I going to call to explain the situation to? I was depressed. I don’t take blood tonics but I was gaining weight… I could cry from morning to evening in my room,” she told Stacy in the interview.
A Nigerian woman on her way to church has suggested that love is a scam hence women should never fall in love.
In addition, the unidentified woman argued that men are scum and that anyone who disobeys her admonition will experience heartache.
She said she wants to go married her own trash and gave the advice while she was on her way to church for her white wedding.
She jokingly stressed that men will disappoint any woman that gives her heart freely and without hesitation. “Don’t fall in love, men are scum, men will disappoint you.
Men will stain your white,” she said repeatedly. The lady added; “The bride is going to the church, let me go and marry my own scum.”
A man has shared his sad story of how she fathered a child for 15 years only to find out that she was not his daughter.
Speaking on the issue of paternity fraud on Joy News, Edward who called during a phone-in session said he came back from the US some years ago and his wife took seed a few months after but he got to find out 15 years later that the baby was not his.
“I was married, travelled to the US and came back. A few months later the woman said she was pregnant and I thought that was mine because she was my legally married woman. 15 years down the line, I got to realise that the child wasn’t my biological child,” he said.
On how he discovered the truth, Edward said he only found out after his wife hatched a plot and relocated with the 15-year-old girl to be with her ex-boyfriend who is the actual father.
Interestingly, the gentleman in question had won a visa lottery to the US, relocated from Ghana to the US and was in constant communication with my spouse without my knowledge to the extent of the man remitting, the man knows very well that the child was his. So when he got his documentation in the US and everything, he decided to file for his daughter which apparently I thought was mine. Now the mother found out and came up with a strategy to tell me ‘don’t you think it be better to go to the US where the girl will get a better life and everything?’
“I was financially down too by then so who was I to say no? I drove them to the airport. There was nothing [suspicious]. We went to the airport, had lunch and everything thinking that my wife is going to the US and back. A month later the mother calls me in Ghana to tell me ‘we are sorry to tell you my daughter has gone to find out the man who impregnated her and has gone to settle with him in the US… that the child is not yours, it’s for the man in the US,” he narrated.
On how the event has impacted his life, Edward says he is yet to recover some 3 years after he was confronted with the truth.
He said the incident has caused him to lose his confidence and self-worth and that his wife has since cut all forms of communication with him after travelling to the US.
A journalist identified as Maynard Manyowa, has taken to Twitter to share his biggest mistake and regret in life after marrying two wives.
The man, who described himself as a ‘former polygamist’, made this revelation while reacting to a Twitter post that declared that polygamy is the future of marriage.
The polygamist who’s proud of his marriage choice flaunted his beautiful damsels in a series of snaps he shared on the internet which has set tongues wagging.
Reacting to the photos, the tweep explained that he is not in support of polygamy because of his personal experience with his two wives, and urged men to desist from polygamy otherwise they won’t have a peaceful life.
According to Maynard, he loves his first wife and only married his second wife to save her from the shame of being single.
However, over time, he almost lost his first wife whom he loved deeply because he wanted to keep his second wife.
Popular media personality cum businesswoman, Joyce Serwaa Amihere, shocked fans with a recent revelation about her marital status.
Over the years, scores of netizens, predominantly male admirers, have gushed over her looks and soft-spoken nature.
Her seamless flawless looks captured on social media have captivated the hearts of many.
However, it appears the GHOne broadcaster might have crushed hearts with her latest post on Snapchat.
During a question-and-answer session, a fan asked how much her bride price will cost and she disclosed that she is already married.
“Serwaa, how much is the bride price again?” the fan quizzed.
“I’m married though,” she responded.
It can be recalled that when Serwaa faced back-to-back trolls on social media sometime in 2021, She was asked about her coping mechanism, and she cited her partner among the list of people that give her peace.
“It’s not just one person, it’s two or three people. It’s my sister, my partner and sometimes Nana Aba. She likes to rubbish some of these things but my partner will constantly be like just leave these people,” she told AngelFM’s Okyeame Quophi.
Also, while interviewing Ajagurajah earlier in January 2023, she reiterated the fact that she had a boyfriend.
Paris Saint-Germain defender Achraf Hakimi’s ex-wife, Hiba Abouk, has said that she needed time to recover from the shock.
Hiba Abouk, requested half of her ex-husband’s assets in a divorce petition.
However, the court informed her that everything was registered in his mother’s name, her “Millionaire”, therefore Achraf Hakimi had no property.
In an interview with ELLE, Abouk said, “I am fine. There are days when it is like this, and others in which you’ve to know how to take blows and make decisions, sometimes complicated, and get used to new situations.
Who would’ve imagined that in addition to facing the usual pain that a separation entails and accepting the grief that the failure of a familyprojectto which I had given myself body and soul entails, I would’ve to face this ignominy. I needed time to digest this shock.”
Abouk continued, “When you separate, you restructure your life, but it’s not anything special either: you’ve to take iron out of the matter. It’s true that, with two children, it is emotionally complicated, but I’m not the first and I will not be the last. The important thing is that I have the peace of mind of having tried and having done everything I had to do.
There are decisions that cannot be made overnight. For me, it’s a premise not to rush in moments of crisis.”
However, there have been reports that the settlement could be challenging, as Hakimi has reportedly registered a significant portion of his wealth in his mother’s name.
Abouk and Hakimi have two children together, Amín, 3, and Naim, 1. The couple married in 2020, two years after meeting in 2018.
The situation is undoubtedly a difficult one for Abouk and her children, and it remains to be seen how the divorce settlement will ultimately be resolved.
However, Abouk’s calm and measured response is admirable, and it’s clear that she is prioritizing her emotional wellbeing and that of her children during this challenging time.
At Ghnewsbuzz.com, we bring you the latest entertainment news from Ghana. We also have reporters from Nigeria who covers Nigerian celebrity news daily. We sometimes bring to our readers other trending entertainment news and relationship stories of high interest on a daily basis.
Weddings have evolved into a fashion statement in Ghana today, with couples practically competing with one another for the most lavish and opulent ceremonies.
This trend is often associated with huge wedding costs and items, to somewhat display the grand lifestyles of brides and grooms, or their respective families.
A report by Graphic Daily in 2018 revealed that for couples who want lavish ceremonies, anything less than GH¢90,000 means that their dream ceremony will be a mirage. This situation has landed many couples in huge bank debts as many go for loans just to fulfil their lavish wedding ceremonies.
It is against this backdrop that a young man has said that he would not spend more than GH¢1,000 on his wedding ceremony. He said, he would focus on getting only the items listed by the woman’s family, as the rest will be unnecessary to him.
“I would only spend 1k on my wedding. I would only buy the items on the wedding list provided by the girl’s family. When I do that, I know I have married the lady. Any other expenses would not be featured in my budget. If the lady wants anything extra, she must pay for it,” he explained in a viral video sighted on Twitter.
Another youth also said he would be willing to spend GH¢10,000 only for his wedding.
He said this is as a result of the country’s poor economy state. He believes there is life after a wedding, as such, it would be unwise for couples to empty their wallets for a single day’s event.
“So my wedding, I am not going to exceed more than GH¢10,000, if we exceed that amount, how are we going to survive when we finally settle together. The economy is very bad and so we must be very strategic and economic on spendings for wedding. If you pressure me for a GH¢50,000 and more wedding, I would quit,” he explained.
An anonymous homosexual man has revealed that many Ghanaian men swindle their wives under the guise of marriage to hide their actual sexual orientation.
According to Stephen (not his real name), his numerous sexual escapades have been with married men who are yet to come out of the closet or come to terms with their sexuality.
Speaking with GhanaWeb, he noted that these men pretend to be happy at home in order not to appear suspicious, but engage in same-sex activities in the shadow.
“Because, I’ve had instances where I’ve been with married men – a lot of married men, to be honest, a whole lot: who have their wives thinking they are in a happy home but then at the end of the day, when they pick their bags to go to work, they come to me before they go home,” he narrated.
Stephen’s revelation comes at a time when talks of criminalizing same-sex activities (LGBTQ activities) have heightened.
Parliament is considering Promotion of Proper Human Sexual Rights and Ghanaian Family Values Bill also known as the anti-LGBT bill which would ban one from identifying as a member of the LGBTQ+ community and its related activities when it becomes law. Culprits would risk jail term.
Due to the high possibility of the passage of the bill which has been recommended for approval by the Legal and Parliamentary Affairs Committee of Parliament, Stephen says he would get involved in a heterosexual relationship to stay off the radar – an action he considers unfair on the part of the woman.
He however noted that he would secretly continue having same-sex relations.
“A typical example, if I’m to marry in Africa, I will definitely marry a woman… I’ll still do men even in the absence of my wife; in secrecy, I’ll still do men, which I don’t think is fair to anyone’s daughter,” he said.
Nonetheless, Stephen insisted that in order not to “put your sister or anyone through such; I’d rather live my truth.”
Mariam Nabatanzi was sold into marriage at 12 and gave birth to a set of twins a year later. Three more sets of twins followed – along with five sets of triplets and five sets of quadruplets.
Nabatanzi gave birth to 44 kids by age 40 – and only once to a single child. Doctors have told the woman from Uganda she has a rare medical condition that no family planning method can help.
She was told she had unusually large ovaries that released multiple eggs at once — a condition called hyperovulation.
The mom who now holds the world record for the most children has been warned by doctors that she could suffer severe health problems if she stops giving birth.
Apparently, the woman from Uganda, East Africa, has given birth to four sets of twins, five sets of triplets, and five sets of quadruplets.
A mother of two, identified as Nellie, has astounds people by telling them about her happy marriage to three husbands, Jimmy, Danny, and Hassan.
She married her brother in law after her husband of eight years died in a car accident and later proceeded to marry the other two men. Nellie is a car dealer and provides for all her three husbands who are currently unemployed.
The most fascinating part is that she bought all her three husbands cars, they all live in the same house and they all spend quality time with her.
Nellie is confident that her husbands can not cheat since they are happy and claims that she treats them equally.
They have all lived together for three years and the husbands say that this has resulted to them becoming bestfriends. Their respect for each other is what has made them live peacefully.
Nollywood actress Foluke Daramola opened up about the breakdown of her first marriage while speaking about marital red flags.
The actress explained that she lost her virginity through rape, which prompted her to always regard sex as a form of punishment, during an interview with TVC “Your View.”
She married someone who wanted sex every day, but she was unable to handle the situation since she was constantly afraid to return home.
Foluke continued by saying that she was aware of the warning signs before her first marriage but disregarded them.
The actress stated that she entered into the marriage prematurely owing to peer pressure and her husband’s enthusiasm for them to get married.
She added that her first experience was on their wedding night when her husband demanded that she destroy her phone’s SIM card.
She said: “I was raped, I lost my virginity through rape, so sex to me was punishment. and the person I got married to wanted it every time, it felt like he was beating me, so the moment I’m going home, I’m always scared.
“When I want to enter my first marriage the signs were there, even though my partner was rushing me into the marriage, I was concerned that my friends were getting married, all the signs were there, anger issues, suspicion about who I’m talking with, and overlooked it.
“My first experience was my wedding night, my husband asked me to cut my sim on my wedding night, and I had to stay there because I was thinking of what people would say.”
Read comments that trailed her statement here:
henryblaise_: “People need to heal before getting into relationships else there will be a carryover or trauma, pain and frustration. It’s a pity mental health is not taken seriously in Nigeria”
clementiyiola65: “The fact that a man want it all the time is not an issue, the major issue here is that you did not talk about it before going to marriage.”
benoladipo: “Egbe nikan kor, iyana Ejigbo ni. Foluke stop capping. You dint date the innocent man before marrying him ba? You just jumped into the marriage to discover he had a coconut sized libido?”
jamaldeenvoice: “Egbe nikan kor, iyana Ejigbo ni. Foluke stop capping. You dint date the innocent man before marrying him ba? You just jumped into the marriage to discover he had a coconut sized libido?”
_ajibabs: “That’s what m8st of them usually say, they were r****p meanwhile check them out during their uni days, there were them them… lamba yeh pò”
danprosper: “Don’t marry if you haven’t heal from your wound. You don’t love the man also. Bye”
Nigerian tech entrepreneur, Osaretin Victor Asemoto, has narrated how an intending bride cheated on her husband-to-be before their wedding.
Taking to Twitter over the weekend, Asemota disclosed that the Nigerian bride-to-be visited her married boyfriend for one last sex before her traditional and white wedding.
Asemota, who described the incident as his weirdest experience in Nigeria, claimed that the bride-to-be slept with her side nigga in exchange for a monetary wedding gift.
To make matters worse, he claimed that the lady’s sister-in-law was aware of the exchange, and even escorted her to visit the side-nigga.
In a series of tweets, he wrote,
One of my weirdest experiences in Nigeria was a lady getting married and coming to her (already married) boyfriend for one last Mekwe between her traditional wedding and white wedding. This was to get a cash “wedding gift.” Dude was also sad to let her go. I was totally confused.
“One of my weirdest experiences in Nigeria was a lady getting married and coming to her (already married) boyfriend for one last Mekwe between her traditional wedding and white wedding. This was to get a cash “wedding gift.” Dude was also sad to let her go. I was totally confused.
What was even more confusing was that she came with the sister of the guy she was getting married to who was her friend and fully aware of the entire “transaction.”
I gave up all my understanding at that point.
Nigerians are weird.
The “low trust” in Nigeria is because everyone knows what they are also capable of doing to the next person without inhibitions.
Couples who are waiting for a child after years of marriage have shared stories of how friends and family sometimes disturb their peace with the question of when they plan to have children.
Right after marriage, a woman is expected to take seed and bear a child for her family. Such high expectations tend to be a burden for couples suffering from medical conditions that hinder them from bringing forth children.
Media consultant Smart Takyi Nixon has encouraged couples facing childlessness in their marriages to keep up the faith and live their best lives even in the case where they never get to hear the cry of a child in their home.
“One of the fascinating things I’ve heard is that marriage without a child is still a marriage. Couples who are going into marriage should have this at the back of their mind. A marriage without a child doesn’t nullify the status of the marriage. That is one of the things people do not come to accept in our part of the world,” he told GhanaWeb.
Sharing his view on how couples can best handle childlessness on Moans & Cuddles with Paula Amma Broni, he admonished couples to take charge of their home in a world where people are quick to project their views on others.
“When you marry an individual, you are marrying the family not just the person…you will see expectations of people being projected on you…some in-laws will pass very funny comments during visits. It’s been a year since you got married, what is happening?” he added.
Angolan celebrity, Mya Jesushas formally filed for divorce from her husband Papito barely two months after their lavish wedding, which caught social media fans off guard due to the significant wage gap.
Prior to this new development, Mya and her husband had unfollowed each other on Instagram with Mya Jesus going ahead to delete all their beautiful pictures on her various social media.
On the 28th of November, 2022, Mya said yes to a man she met about a month prior to their engagement.
They dated for less than 10 days and waited for 2 months after their marriage to make the pictures public.
According to rumours in circulation, Mya’s decision to walk out of the marriage is because of Papitos’ serial cheating spree.
The 59-year-old millionaire was caught on several occasions cheating on the socialite and always pleaded for forgiveness yet went back to the same old habit.
Mya, who is fed up with the never-ending cheating and plea for forgiveness decided to call it quits for her own mental well-being.
Below are show some social media users have reacted to the news;
Amaleboba Lamisi Rita – Awwwwwn ,I admired in vain. Let me protect my less wedding marriage with my young man
Lindiwe Promise Vilakazi – To be honest I saw this coming after the announcement of the engagement that it would end in tears for the man
Tyrone Edwards Sr. – But on the real 22 -59 is beyond pushing it her mindset is still closer to 18 then 25 usually by 25 to 30 you have seen and grown some but 22 you still don’t really have a clue, hell he may have married just to hit and now he is done ????? who knows ,but she is fine as wine and hopefully the next guy can hold on to her.
Patricia Jacob James Hedd-williams – Maybe he doesn’t have enough income to take care of her body, these girls are looking for financial assistance to remake their bodies
Ibrahim Tunkara – What were they thinking? Is it that he wanted to have a taste of her body or she wanted to scan through the old man’s wallet? Because I see no compatibility.
A recently-appointed member of Ghana’s Electoral Commission, Rev Akua Ofori Boateng, has recounted how the collapse of her marriage drew her closer to God.
Providing an account of her spiritual journey with God, she disclosed that despite being a Christian and regularly attending church, she did not truly fall in love with church activities and “God’s things” until she went through a divorce, which caused her to place greater emphasis on her relationship with Christ.
Speaking in an interview with Joy Prime, on March 22, 2023, Rev. Ofori Boateng, the first female programme director of the Anglican Diocese, stressed that she felt as though her life had come to an end after going through the divorce, becoming a single parent, and even losing her job.
“Actually, what brought me to the place of really paying attention to God was that I went through a divorce. I used to be a regular churchgoer, I drive my mother to church, and hang out outside, when it’s time for communion, I go inside and take communion, come back outside.
“I didn’t belong to Scriptural Union (SU), I wasn’t a server, I was nothing, I remember when I went to seminary and we were introducing ourselves, everybody was a youth pastor, you know people were in the church, me I’m a member of my church, I pay dues and that’s it,” she said.
She explained that she would love to give love another chance when the time is right.
Rev Akua Ofori Boateng was one of the three new members of the Electoral Commission sworn into office by President Akufo-Addo. The other two are Dr. Peter Appiahene and Salima Ahmed Tijani.
Their induction took place on Monday, March 20, 2023 at the Jubilee House.
Akufo-Addo appoints NPP man, two others as EC commissioners
President Nana Addo Dankwa Akufo-Addo on Monday (March 20) swore in three new Electoral Commissioners at the Jubilee House in a brief ceremony.
The three were: Dr. Peter Appiahene, Salima Ahmed Tijani and Rev Akua Ofori Boateng.
Out of the three, the appointment of Dr. Appiahene in particular has drawn a lot of political controversy.
This is because of his known role as a patron of the New Patriotic Party’s tertiary institutions wing, TESCON, specifically the University of Energy and Natural Resources branch.
Some Civil Society Organizations including the Centre for Democratic Development (CDD) Ghana, have expressed misgivings over the appointment of Dr. Appiahene calling on the president to withdraw his appointment.
In his comments on the appointment, Bright Simons of Imani Ghana tweeted: “Seeing how Ghana’s Electoral Commission is always on the defensive about being totally independent & professional, I expect the top bosses to inform the Prez that they’d rather resign than work with partisan activists as that’ll sully the EC’s reputation!”
It’s August in Northern Virginia, hot and humid. I still haven’t showered from my morning trail run. I’m wearing my stay-at-home mom uniform — over-sized Marine Corps sweats, tshirt, Crocs flip flops, ponytail. I feel safe in this uniform. It doesn’t hug any part of my body, allowing me to hide my physical failures.
In this uniform I can pretend I’m acceptable, tolerable. It says I did something today, I tried. This look combined with toilets I scrubbed until they shine sends the message “I’m not a lazy pig, I’m valuable. Please keep me.” This uniform is enough to make up for my lack of lipstick and style. It walks the line between disgusting and acceptable.
So far, it’s been enough that my husband is still willing to initiate sex with me once a month. The kind of sex you have because you need to feel worthy. The kind that lets him know you need him. Unfulfilling but purposeful.
It’s dinner time, so I’m busy in the kitchen slicing tomatoes and onions on the cutting board that I was instructed was to be used exclusively with the very expensive Shun knives I received as a Christmas present.
He comes in from the deck with a plate of hot burgers.
My gut said something was off. I pursued because I’m the pursuer. I went to him, hugged him, stepped back, my hands still on his shoulders, looked in his eyes and said “Is everything okay? Are we okay?”
I know the answer. I always know the answer. I just didn’t know what it would be this time. Is this one forgivable? Can I patch it up again? It’s like a tire with a slow leak. You fill it with air and when it lasts longer than you expect, you just keep driving on it. But eventually the tire goes flat and you’re no longer able to get the car to the repair shop. This — us — cannot get to a place of fixing.
“I told myself I’d tell you if you asked.”
No. No. Please, no.
“There’s this woman from my past… We reconnected during our family trip to San Diego… I thought she’d brush me off again… We started talking… She makes me feel alive.”
I could feel the panic consume my body. I hate this place. It feels so shameful. I know I’ll do anything. I always do anything.
“Is it serious? Please don’t do this. We can fix it. We can make it work. What can I do? How can I make it better? Please let me make it better.”
I beg. I have no pride. I know this about me. He also knows this about me. This is who I am at my core — a desperate woman. A burden. I’m ashamed. Scared. Embarrassed. Angry that I let this happen. This is my doing. I created this. I could be better, but I’m not. I’m a loser, posing as a winner.
Our marriage was built on fear, and then thrived on it for 20 years. When he proposed, he knew this would guarantee his dying mother’s last wish — to experience being a grandmother in her lifetime. He could avoid his fear of disappointing the woman he’d christened a saint — flawless.
And when I accepted his proposal, our binding contract assured me that I would not give away another baby as I’d done six years earlier — this one would become mine. I’d create the family I’d dreamed about for nearly fifteen years, when my dad left me, my mom, our family without a word. Marrying a Marine would bring an exciting, nomadic life wrapped in a tightly confined package of government-backed security.
Now, nearly two decades later, I’ve worn my marriage and family as a medal around my neck — hefty and shiny. I tuck it in my shirt, because it’s not nice to flaunt your wins, but whenever the opportunity presents, I quickly, often self-righteously, pull out that medal and let it shine. But I know the truth about my medal. Every time I pull it out, the shirt rubs a little more of the gold plating off and my neck is green from the cheap metal underneath. My whole marriage is made of cheap metal.
I continue to beg. He continues to be angry and disgusted.
I obsess about the plate of burgers sitting on the counter getting cold.
This was not the plan. We were going to eat burgers — the burgers that needed the buns I asked him to grab on his way home from work. The buns he bought with deep resentment because he shouldn’t have to do this. The buns he put on the counter filled with anger because, for fuck’s sake, he earns all the money, now he has to do everything at home?
Until now, I pretended the anger and resentment wasn’t there. I was happy to swallow my burger with a helping of self-hatred.
The plate is still sitting there. Can’t we just eat the goddamn burgers and get back to the business of posing?
We will not eat the burgers.
The winning has stopped.
My shirt was off and everyone — friends, family, the kids — saw my worn medal and green, stained neck.
Source: medium.com
DISCLAIMER: Independentghana.com will not be liable for any inaccuracies contained in this article. The views expressed in the article are solely those of the author’s, and do not reflect those of The Independent Ghana
Multiple award-winning Ghanaian actor, Adjetey Anang, has revealed that his wife of 16 years sees him as a god when it comes to bedroom skills.
According to him, his bedmatics with his wife has never been boring as his wife constantly commends him for getting much better in bed as their years of marriage keep increasing.
Speaking in an interview With Sika Osei on the ‘Stripped by Sika Osei’ show on lynx Tv, Adjetey said that sex should not only start when couples get to the bedroom but should be a gradual process that could even begin with a conversation.
According to him, he had no idea about this when he first got married to his wife Elorm, as he thought sex was just a duty he needed to perform, as well as just having babies.
The renowned actor during the interview articulated that his wife, whom he has spent close to 16 years with sees him as a sex god.
He also emphasized that his wife keeps surprising him with occasional hugs and sweet words to show her appreciation for the good work he does in bed.
The ‘Things We Do For Love’ Star further advised couples who have been married for long to be patient and more relaxed when it comes to their sexual relationship.
Adjetey Anang and Elom tied the knot on March 10, 2007.
When a man and woman decide to build a life together in marriage, they pledge to remain faithful to each other and never to keep secrets that could be a deal breaker.
A senior accounts officer at Benchmark Marketing, Victor Wellrich, has narrated how beautiful marriages can collapse over a husband or wife’s decision to hide or constantly change their mobile phone password.
Victor posited that a partner who keeps little secrets like passwords can hide major things like properties from their spouse.
“Keeping and hiding things is always a major topic in any relationship that determines the make or break of it. It starts with your phone, and password issues…when you change your password every week and you argue about it…you haven’t solved the problem that can escalate to something big.
“If you have mastered the will of keeping your password secret, then you can hide any other thing…I am very open, if I hide something, it will be for a good reason,” he told Paula Amma Broni on Moans & Cuddles.
Victor Wellrich also shared factors that can influence a husband or wife to build or acquire properties without informing their better half.
He mentioned that some individuals might never forgive their partners when they discover such secrets.
“Something must go wrong for you to change your character. You might have seen a certain recurring problem from the person, and you realize that this guy is not changing, perhaps he is selfish. So if he is selfish with his things, why don’t you be selfish with yours?” he explained.
Between the option of marrying and studying at the prestigious Yale University, Ghana’s Minister of Communications and Digitalisation, Ursula Owusu has disclosed that she chose the former. This, according to her was in the early days of her life.
In an open letter to her 25-year-old self, the minister who now doubles as the Member of Parliamentfor Ablekuma West Constituency mentioned that she abandoned an opportunity to further her education at the prestigious Yale University to marry the man of her dreams.
Yale University founded in 1701 is a private Ivy League research university in New Haven, Connecticut, considered one of the best institutions in the world.
Although she never regretted her actions, Ursula, speaking at the 2023 International Women’s Day organized by eTranzact Ghana Ltd, noted that there comes a time in one’s life when one ought to take crucial decisions.
The MP also highlighted the pressures single women face in Ghanaian society and how bachelor girls are termed as unwhole. This she believes influences a lot of them to settle down in marriages just to please family and friends.
“Letter to my 25-year-old self is to tell her that, five years from now, will it really matter? Will what you’re stressing about, agitating over really matter… at that stage I was torn between getting married and going to Yale. We do give in to a lot of pressure from family, friends, and the church that if you are not married, you’re not whole and that is the ultimate you can have in life.
“I had the opportunity to go to Yale and there was a young man who was wooing her at the time and she decided that okay, let me go and get married,” she said.
In her advice to women, she urged them to weigh every opportunity that comes their way and most importantly, make the right choice.
“…those are crossroads moments in our lives, whatever decision you take in your life will influence your future and we have to take it carefully. Maybe if I had gone to Yale I wouldn’t be sitting here as a Member of Parliament and your Minister today and so the Lord knew but that was a decision I had to take,” the politician said.
Ursula Owusu Ekuful is married to Dr. Sam Owusu Ekuful, a senior consultant and the owner of Ekuful Eye Care.
eTranzact Ghana Ltd Profile
eTranzact Ghana Ltd has emerged as a proven leader in electronic payments and aggregation solutions. Since the commencement of operations in 2006, the company has been tailoring electronic payment solutions for banks and private businesses of all types and sizes throughout Ghana.
eTranzact Ghana Ltd is a fully integrated multi-application and multi-channel payment processing and transaction switching platform. eTranzact Ghana Ltd provides access to its platform to banks, mobile network operators, and money transfer operators to facilitate fund transfers, airtime purchases, bill payments, and payment processing services.
As one of the few fully integrated payments processing platforms in Africa, eTranzact Ghana Ltd’s switching platform agility is a key competitive advantage due which allows it to provide tailor-made products and services easily and efficiently for its clients by adapting the switching platform to specific requests.
Capitalizing on the pervasiveness of mobile phones in its core markets, eTranzact Ghana Ltd has developed differentiated expertise in providing phone-agnostic mobile transaction solutions such as mobile banking, mobile money, remittances, web payment and card services.
Ghanaian songstress, Sista Afia has said that marriage is not as attractive as it used to be so she might not marry.
According to the Sista Afia, life has so many angles and doesn’t necessarily revolve around marriage.
The Jeje hitmaker in an interview with Doreen Avio on Daybreak Hitz said, “I don’t see life to be all about marriage and having kids. Life is a beautiful thing and it has a lot of angles.”
She added, “If I don’t get married, it doesn’t mean I wouldn’t do better in life. Marriage doesn’t define me,” she said on Hitz FM.
The singer also disclosed that when she was young, she had the dream of getting married and having children at an early age.
“I was a young girl and I remember telling myself that I would get married at the age of 21; I’d have twins at the age of 24, and another set of twins later.”
“I was very young and I was very naïve and I didn’t know much about marriage and life, but now I do I’m not in a rush.”
“It’s my dream to have a kid, but if I don’t even get married, it’s fine but for a kid, it’s something I would want to have.”
She concluded, “Married people these days… it is crazy. Considering this generation… Because we have social media, people do not see the importance of so many things anymore.”
The Sika hitmaker concluded by saying, “If you’re a woman, whatever you want to do, be it marriage, you can go ahead and do it, but for me, I’m just being me and I don’t regard marriage.” She then advised women to do what was good for them and that societal pressures should not influence their stance on marriage.
Actor and movie producer, Kobi Rana has asked persons putting pressure on him to get married to back off.
According to the popular actor, there are some people forcing him to get married because they see him to be a “bad boy” who will change after marriage.
But in a Facebook post , he asked such people to take a rest as marriage cannot be a panacea for philandering.
“Those forcing me to marry because you believe I’m a bad boy. Marriage is not the cure for fornication. It only changes the name to adultery. Rest,” the actor wrote.
At 37, Kobi Rana has produced and starred in several movies and is also known for his music career which produced the hit song “Fly.”
You seem to have hit a wall in your marriage. There have been ugly spats and words exchanged and the dreaded “D” word has been spoken. Despair hangs heavy over your marriage and you’re wondering if this is the end. And then, there are signs. Signs of wife changing her mind about divorce. Or so you hope. Given everything that’s been happening, you’re still uncertain and you’re wondering, “Do wives change their mind about divorce at all?”
Well, human nature is inconsistent, even about major life decisions like divorce. So yes, it is entirely possible that there are concrete signs your wife is changing her mind about divorce. With the help of psychotherapist Sampreeti Das (Master in Clinical Psychology and Ph.D. Researcher), who specializes in Rational Emotive Behavior Therapy and Holistic and Transformational Psychotherapy, we’ve rounded up some signs your wife is rethinking divorce and is open to giving your marriage another chance, and what you can do if you spot these signs.
Will She Change Her Mind About Divorce? 5 Reasons She Might
When your wife says she wants a divorce, your whole world turns upside down. Given the enormity of the situation, your wife wouldn’t have made the decision to divorce lightly. And so, it can seem futile to hope that she will change her mind and give the marriage a second chance. But it can happen. In fact, a study suggests that half of those thinking about divorce change their mind within a year.
So, second thoughts about divorce are not uncommon at all. Even if your marriage is at a breaking point and your wife has clearly conveyed to you that she wants to separate, wondering, “Will she change her mind about divorce?”, isn’t just wishful thinking. Here are 5 probable reasons why she may choose to stay married and rethink her divorce decision:
1. She doesn’t want the family to suffer
“I’m seeing the signs my separated wife wants to reconcile. What could have brought that on?” You may wonder. Well, if you have been married a long time and have kids, her decision to stay married may have nothing to do with the state of your marriage. She may simply not want to put the children through the emotional trauma of watching their family break apart.
Perhaps, she’d prefer that you go to a family therapist or a couple’s counselor for help and see if you can find a way to stay together. Now, whether or not staying in an unhappy marriage for the kids is a wise choice is a discussion for another time. But this could very well be her reason to not get the divorce proceedings rolling.
2. Divorce is too costly for her to go through with it
This is also not exactly the most romantic reason why a woman would go back on her decision to divorce you. But it is a legitimate reason and a study shows that 15% of married couples choose to stay separated rather than get officially divorced for this very reason. Hiring professional lawyers, and getting embroiled in a legal battle over the division of assets is financially draining as it is emotionally painful.
Perhaps, your wife doesn’t have the means to foot the expenditure of the divorce process or maybe she just doesn’t consider it worth her while. Staying married may just feel like a more prudent choice than losing everything in securing a divorce.
3. She doesn’t want to lose you
Despite all the negative emotions, angry words, fights, and conflicts, your wife is not prepared to lose you. Human relationships, especially long-term relationships such as marriage, are often far too complex and layered to fit into the binaries of ‘successful’ and ‘failed’. If your wife strongly feels that even though you have your share of relationship problems, the love that brought you together hasn’t completely eroded, you may begin to see signs your wife is changing her mind about divorce.
4. She feels responsible for your marital problems
“My wife was adamant about wanting a divorce. We have been living separately for nearly six months. But recently, the ice between us seems to be thawing. She is reaching out to me and our conversations are warmer and more pleasant. Are these signs my separated wife wants to reconcile?” A reader, who wished to remain anonymous, posed this query to the experts on Bonobology’s panel.
In response, Sampreeti says, “Your wife may be having second thoughts about divorce. One of the common reasons this happens is that the person who wanted a divorce begins to realize that they too have contributed to the marital problems that drove the couple to the brink. This instills hope that if both partners put in the work, it’s possible for them to begin a new chapter in their married life.”
5. She has gone through a big life change
Sometimes external factors could be responsible for your wife changing her mind about the divorce. Maybe she has had a health scare or experienced a loss during the time that you’ve been separated. Or perhaps, she has been in therapy to work through the grief of her dying marriage. Any of these experiences could have changed her perspective on the situation and made her realize that life is too short to hold on to grudges. That’s why she doesn’t want to go through with the divorce proceedings anymore.
How Do I Know If My Wife Is Changing Her Mind About Divorce?
“We decided to end things because of how incompatible we had become. Though it broke my heart to be talking to lawyers, I tried my best to keep it together. One night, after a few nasty calls with our respective lawyers, I broke down in front of her and told her how rough it is to be going through this,” Mack told us.
“Though I never thought too much about “will my wife change her mind about divorce” and never even asked her to reconsider, I could see a few signs of second thoughts about divorce in her since then. We started talking a lot more, and we realized we might just be able to give it another shot. This time, we made sure to focus on prioritizing the things that make a relationship work,” he added. When you’re in a similar situation, dwelling over, “Will she change her mind about divorce?”, may not seem like the best idea.
Too much has been said, and too much has gone unsaid. There are negative emotions and hurt feelings. You’re hoping for sure signs your wife is changing her mind about divorce, but all you can do right now is wait, watch, and wonder. After all, if she’s the one who wanted out, you have to let your wife decide whether she wants to go through with the divorce. During this agonizing time, if you’re holding onto the hope that she will give you a second chance, we’re here to bolster your spirit a little with 9 sure signs your wife is changing her mind about the divorce:
1. Better communication
It’s been said so often, it sounds like a cliché, but a true one! Communication truly is the key to a healthy relationship, and communication problems and breakdowns are often at the root of a failing or stumbling marriage. It’s natural that your marriage got to where it is due to poor communication. It’s also possible that, of late, there have been cold silences or fights, or snarky barbs exchanged, but that’s it. And then suddenly, it changes.
If you’re looking for signs your wife is rethinking divorce, the fact that she has started communicating better is definitely a positive indicator. It means that she cares enough about you and your marriage to make an effort. This is certainly a positive step toward fixing your broken marriage and changing your mind about splitting up.
“Language conduct speaks volumes about one’s intentions,” says Sampreeti, “If a partner’s communication content and tone are changing for the better, it is entirely possible they are having second thoughts about divorce. They may not always admit to having second thoughts; instead, they could talk about common concerns such as the children, things to do with the household, and so on, showing that they’re thinking of the things that hold you together.”
2. Sudden physical intimacy
Sexual overtures, physical touch, and affection are some of the first things to go out the window when a marriage hits a rough spot. If things have gotten to the point where divorce is being brought up, we’re guessing you two haven’t had a whole lot of sexy time lately. Or even the simple gesture of holding hands or a touch on the arm.
Now, if that changes, it’s entirely possible that you’re wondering, “Is my wife having second thoughts about divorce?” To arrive at a definitive conclusion, pay closer attention to her body language, and notice:
Is she sitting closer to you on the couch when you’re watching TV after dinner?
Does she place a hand on your arm when trying to explain something to you?
Is there a lot of meaningful eye contact over the dinner table?
Has there been a sudden uptick in physical contact?
Does she appear inviting and affable?
And most of all, has she been dropping hints or making subtle overtures suggesting that she is interested in making love?
Though it might have seemed like you couldn’t change your spouse’s mind about divorce, a few positive body language signs might tell you otherwise. She’s missing the closeness she once shared with you and her attempts to bridge that gap are among the most telling signs she is rethinking the divorce. Physical intimacy is one of the foundations of any healthy relationship, and the loss of it can be a root cause for a marriage to hit a major stumbling block. So, if after months of zero physical contact and affection, your wife starts making overtures, it’s a great sign she still desires you, is interested in making the marriage work, and therefore is reconsidering divorce.
3. She’s paying attention to your needs
It’s the little things, they always say. The little but oh-so-significant things that make up a relationship. And when a marriage is on the rocks and divorce is in the air, these little things are usually neglected, which only makes things worse.
For Will and Lorraine, it was almost like a return to the early days of marriage. “We’d been hit hard,” Will says, “Our marriage seemed to be getting more and more difficult to sustain by the day. We barely had anything to say to each other, let alone make any loving gestures. We didn’t even say ‘good morning’ or ‘good night’ any longer. We just went about our lives like two strangers who happened to be sharing a home. I could see the signs divorce is coming our way and didn’t know what to do about it.”
But it seemed Lorraine was changing her mind about letting her marriage go. “She started doing things she’d do when we were first married,” Will adds, “She’d make sure my vitamins were laid out on the breakfast table. If I had a big meeting at work, she knew I wouldn’t have time to step out for lunch, so she’d pack leftovers for me. She wasn’t saying much, but her actions were there for me to see.”
“Small changes in behavior can mean all kinds of things. Maybe they’re being more considerate or suddenly more adaptable to your routine. It’s also possible they start apologizing more naturally when they think they’ve messed up, rather than withdrawing into silence or blaming their partner. Sharing a marriage and a home is all about the small romantic gestures and thoughtful things we do for our partners. When this thoughtfulness returns to a marriage, it’s possible to reconcile even after a wife says she wants a divorce,” Sampreeti explains.
4. She’s stopped bringing up the “D” word
We talk a lot about love languages but there are a lot of different languages in marriage. There’s fight language and “our marriage is over” language. Articulating that you want to separate from a partner, using words like “split” or “divorce”, isn’t done lightly. If your wife has been vocal about her desire to divorce in the past but hasn’t brought it up lately, it’s definitely an encouraging sign. You may notice that,
Even though you’ve talked about ending the marriage, she hasn’t served you with divorce papers yet
She no longer responds to anything and everything you do with, “God, I can’t wait to divorce you!”
She hasn’t hired an army of professional lawyers to make sure she get her due in the divorce
She hasn’t initiated any conversation/negotiation about division of assets, alimony, custody rights, and so on
Basically, the divorce process is on hold and there’s a chance that things are getting better. However, this doesn’t mean that the good times will automatically roll. You still have a lot of work to do in making sure you’re on the same page about what not going through with the divorce means. Listening can improve a relationship. Make sure you listen to your wife and together find common ground on which you can rebuild your marriage.
5. She shows signs of jealousy
When love dies, you no longer care who your partner is spending time with, or wonder about late-night phone calls, or why they’re working late so many nights a week. In fact, this kind of apathy is one of the first signs divorce is coming your way. On the flip side, care, concern, and even a little bit of jealousy in a relationship are all strong indicators that not all hope is lost.
“My wife, Sue, and I were pretty much estranged,” says Sean, a reader from Taos, “It was the usual – silences, screaming matches, and mostly, an utter lack of care about what the other one was up to. We’d stopped asking each other any questions about our whereabouts for months.” When Sean took on a new project at work, there were several nights he had to stay late. Sue started noticing this.
“One night, she texted, asking how much later I’d be. The next night, she asked if I’d be home for dinner. Soon, she was staying up till I got home and asking me all about the project and who I was working with. I think I made up some extra women’s names, just to see her reaction,” grins Sean, adding, “Will my wife change her mind about divorce? I’m not too sure about that, but as of right now, it feels pretty good to see she cares again.”
6. She wants to spend time together
Time is both a friend and an enemy of love. We want more of it and never seem to have quite enough. When you’re fighting and convinced that you want to end your marriage, one of the first things you cut off is time with the other person.
In fact, if things have gotten really bad, you probably avoid spending time with your partner as much as possible, since being together only means yelling and blame games and other unpleasantries. So, what does it mean when your wife, who for months has been staying as far away from you as possible or has been living separately, suddenly wants to spend time with you?
Well, this could be her way of testing the waters and assessing if your fractured marriage has a shot at survival. This is her trying to reach out to you and communicating that she still likes being with you. Now, the idea of spending time together may be different for different people. But you can be sure she’s extending an olive branch if:
She’s making sure you eat at least a meal together every day
She asks if you’d like to go grocery shopping with her
She suggests getting dinner together somewhere (maybe on the pretext of spending time together as a family if you have children)
She’s asking you to accompany her to social events
She’s being more pleasant and affable in her social media interactions with you
Sampreeti says. “If there were friends and well-wishers who had a role in the divorce plan, take note of whether your wife is pulling away from them. Changing dynamics in social relationships, a revised list of friends and well-wishers, or a different pattern of engagement and social habits could be signs that she’s changing her mind about divorce,” she explains. Do wives change their mind about divorce is a tough question to answer, but if she’s giving you her time and asking for yours, we think you’ve got your answer.
7. She remembers your preferences
A friend had been separated from her husband for a while, but they hadn’t finalized the divorce yet. A few weeks into their separation, I met her for lunch and noticed she’d left her hair open instead of in its usual topknot. When I commented on the new hair, she looked rather sheepish and said her husband liked it that way. She’d just met him to go over some details of the divorce papers, and well…
Needless to say, that divorce never went through, and she’s still floating around with her hair loose and flowing at the peak of summer! So, when a wife, even an estranged wife, suddenly starts wearing things she knows you like or making your favorite dishes, or humming your favorite tunes around you, she’s probably not thinking of the best divorce lawyer in town.
In fact, she’s thinking about you, and what you like, and things that make you happy. She’s remembering things that make you smile and bring you joy. Sure, her wearing her hair the way you like doesn’t mean she’s screaming out, “I filed for divorce but changed my mind”, but it’s still a stepping stone. These are her ways of showing affection and conveying her desire to give the marriage a second chance.
We’d say that’s a pretty safe bet and a sure sign that she’s rethinking whatever divorce thoughts she was having. Don’t take it for granted, though. Make sure you return the favor and pay attention to things she likes too!
8. She wants your attention
Don’t we always want attention from our loved ones? Don’t we fight with them, buy new outfits, and do so much more to get attention from our significant others? Don’t get us wrong, we’re not suggesting that your wife wanting to divorce you is her way of trying to get your attention. Quite the opposite, actually. We’re saying, if she’s suddenly trying to grab your attention, it could be one of the signs your wife is changing her mind about divorce.
So, take a moment to reflect on her behavior patterns, and see if she has been trying to tell you attention in the relationship. Here’s what it could look like:
Asking your opinion on things that are important to her
Telling you about a new restaurant that’s opened in town and very obviously waiting for you to respond
Discussing the day’s headlines with you, hoping for a discussion
Playing a movie or song you hate on a loop to get a reaction out of you
If this is happening after a prolonged time of your wife ignoring you and making it clear that you don’t matter to her at all, you can take it as a sign that she’s trying to initiate reconciliation. And she’s making sure you pay attention to what she’s doing. So, if she’s looking for a reaction or just an opening to a conversation, we’d recommend you take it. When you’ve been pondering on questions like, “My wife wants a divorce, how can I change her mind?”, know that attention, the good kind, is an excellent tonic for an ailing relationship.
9. She’s paying you compliments
This is kind of an obvious sign. Let’s say for months your wife’s been telling you that she can’t stand your face, the way you breathe and that the sound of your chewing makes her want to stab you. Then, things calm down, and slowly, she starts saying nice things about you.
“That shirt looks great on you.” “That stew you made for dinner was delicious!” “That’s a great presentation you made – the client will love it!” Yeah, you’ll probably be super suspicious at first, but if it continues, and if she’s being sincere, she’s appreciating you and is changing her mind about divorcing you.
Appreciation and sincere compliments in a relationship are balms to the most wounded partners. It’s also her way of showing you that while there are lots of things she would like you to change (she’s probably yelled out a list at you by now!), she does in fact realize that you have some wonderful qualities that she’s ready to embrace all over again. If you want to save your marriage, this is your chance to reciprocate and meet her half-way.
What To Do When Your Wife Changes Her Mind About Divorce?
You have noticed the signs your wife is changing her mind about divorce. Divorce may have been very much on her mind, and maybe she’s still on the fence about it but she no longer thinks that it’s the only way forward. Perhaps, she’s even toying with the idea of giving the marriage a second chance and starting afresh. The question is, what should you do in such a situation? As is the case with most things involving human relationships, there are no clear-cut right or wrong answers here. Here are a few things you can do to make the right decision about your future as a married couple:
1. Understand her reasons for changing her mind about divorce
Whether or not your wife having second thoughts about divorce is a good thing or not depends on her reasons behind this change of heart. If she wants a reconciliation because she is scared of being alone or the idea of going through with the divorce seems too daunting, then getting back together may not be the most sustainable choice. Unless you’re both ready to put in work to deal with your issues and make some positive changes, you will find yourself standing back at the same point sooner or later.
2. Figure out what you want
When your wife says she wants a divorce, it’s possible that your panic-stricken mind instantly goes into damage-control mode. You may spend a lot of your time and energy figuring out how to get your wife to change her decision of divorce. Or fixating on questions like, “Will she change her mind about divorce?” It’s possible that in all this, you’ve not taken the time to figure out what it is that you want. So, before you respond to her overtures, check in with yourself and be sure that you want the same thing as her. Unless you’re on the same page about starting over, you won’t get far in repairing your relationship.
3. Are your issues fixable?
If a relationship is broken beyond repair, no amount of apologies or olive branches can fix it. There are marriages where one or both partners have cheated, or where abuse has prevailed, or that were maybe just a mistake between two people who were never compatible in the first place. If that’s the case, the likelihood of building a happy marriage together can be slim. Ask yourself, do you want to go down this rabbit hole all over again or would it be better to walk away now?
4. Get the necessary help to rebuild your marriage
If you do decide that your marriage is worth another shot, know that you have your work cut out for you. You have to build a new relationship with your spouse while working through the emotional trauma you may have caused one another and carefully steering clear of old, problematic patterns. This requires a great deal of patience, understanding, and maybe some couple’s therapy.
“Note if your wife takes the initiative to take on and share more responsibilities with you. Also, if she suggests seeking professional help or therapy, that could be an expression of hope for reconciliation,” Sampreeti says. If you’re looking for help, Bonobology’s panel of experienced counselors can help you get your marriage back to its former glory.
Key Pointers
Noticing that your wife is changing her mind about divorce is an encouraging sign that your marriage has a shot at survival
The reasons why a woman may change her mind about divorce can be practical – not wanting to break up the family or bearing the expenses of divorce proceedings – or emotional – not wanting to lose you or understanding her role in the marital issues
From better communication to hints of affection, paying compliments, and paying attending to you needs, the signs a woman is changing her mind about divorce reflect in her softened stance toward you and the relationship
Just because she has changed her mind about divorce doesn’t mean you have to rush into getting back together. Take your time and assess if it’s the right decision for you, both individually and as a couple
Whatever it is, it’s a boon when an unhappy partner decides to reconsider divorce and give the marriage another chance. Recognize this, read the signs, and ensure you do your bit to repair your relationship as well. Marriage is a two-way street, bringing it back from the verge of divorce needs all your strength as well.
Ghanaian actress Nikki Samonas says she is in no hurry to have kids out of wedlock.
According to her, Nikki who is in her 30s, until ‘somebody’s son’ throws a rock on her ring finger, there will be no pitter-patter of little feet in her house.
In a chat with Graphic Showbiz, the beautiful actress said she was not perturbed and that she would start a family only when she got married.
Asked if she was not worried her biological clock was ticking, she responded, “Don’t get me wrong. I would love to have a family as in a husband and children but it has to be my way. So the clock can tick till infinity, my life is my choice”.
Responding if she were under pressure from family and friends to have children before it was too late, Nikki quipped, “Pressure comes from everywhere in life, even at work. It’s just how you handle it.”
Clarifying what she would do if she finally got married but was unable to have children, Nikki said, “The question is ‘if’. There is surrogacy, there is IVF, and there is adoption among others. These are all options I can look at.”
Asked if she would freeze her eggs till she was ready as some women do? Nikki revealed, “All those are possible, you see, having children these days is not as hard as before, the world has evolved so there are lots of options”, she added.
Touching on why some of her colleagues have gone ahead to have children out of wedlock, Nikki, who is also a TV presenter, said “you know most of us are used to being independent. I think that is what has influenced their decisions to be on their own and live their lives”.
“I am sure they are probably also open to having a family but knowing that it has to wait, some of them just want to have their kids and move on with their lives. I think most celebs want to live their lives with or without support from the opposite sex,” she stated.
The wedding of Ama Koomson, daughter of Mavis Hawa Koomson, Ghana’s Minister for Fisheries and Aquaculture Development and the Member of Parliament for Awutu Senya East Constituency, was the talk of the town for the display of rich Akan culture.
Ama and her man, Snow Gaisie, tied the knot in the month of love in a private ceremony that had family and loved ones in attendance.
The customary wedding, dubbed “SnowGotmeltED” was filled with glitz and glam from the bride and her bridal train. The groom and his men also left no stone unturned.
The mother of the bride, Hawa Koomson, once again made a bold fashion statement in her custom-tailored kente gown and lace.
In 2022, the MP’s son tied the knot in a star-studded ceremony.
Ama Koomson had on board some of Ghana’s finest wedding vendors, who ensured that her day was special.
The happy bride made headlines for her wardrobe and details at her marriage ceremony.
A band from the Ghana National Fire Service also delivered a musical performance at Ama’s wedding.
Afia Schwar’s known arch-rival, Nana Tornado, has reacted to the Queen of GH Comedy’s trending marriage which took over social media by surprise late yesterday.
According to Nana Tornado, Afia Schwar’s marriage is fake and shouldn’t be tolerated.
In an Instagram post, Nana Tornado claimed that Afia Schwar just like many known female celebrities is a serial lair and this is not the first time she has lied on the internet to trend.
As we all know, most female celebrities lie on the internet lie about acquiring houses and cars but in real life, they have nothing to their names.
In accordance with his cryptic post, Afia Schwar hasn’t married and wants Ghanaians to believe that she’s off the market just to trend and gain engagements on her social media pages.
Commenting on the wedding, Nana Tornado rushed to his Instagram page to expose Afia Schwar’s fake life which has grown heavy wings.
Nana Tornado wrote;
FAKE HAS BECOME SOO ACCEPTABLE THAT, PEOPLE GET OFFENDED WHEN YOU KEEP IT REAL. PEOPLE SHOULD JUST ? STOP LYING ? The TRUTH Just Killed Me
Watch the video below to know more…
Meanwhile, Afia Schwar has alleged in an Instagram post that her husband is a chief.
This followed after some social media users earlier dropped the gist on Instagram.
Sharing a video of herself dressed in a stylish and expensive Kente dress, Afia Schwar, Afia Schwar confirmed the report in the caption she attached to the clip which is #Nanayere.
Actress Gladys Mensah Boaku populary known as Nayas has talked openly about her marriage to a Ghanaian living in Germany.
According to her, she got married to the man eight days after seeing him although they had spoken on phone for one month.
She made this known when she spoke to Delay in a yet-to-be-aired interview.
Nayas indicated that her friend who introduced her had already arranged with her former husband so they clicked immediately they go into contact and planned their marriage after eight days of seeing themselves.
“We started speaking in August and he came to Ghana in September. We got married eight days after we met,” she said.
Actress Nayas has been in the news for sometime now over her struggles in her marriage and how she wasn’t treated well during her stay in Germany.
Ghanaian actress Nayas has opened up about her troubled marriage to German based Ghanaian Sarfo.
Having finally left her husband in Germany to her single life in Ghana, Nayas has finally recovered from her trauma and she’s speaking about her marriage.
In an interview with Delay, she said she barely knew Sarfo before agreeing to marry him.
A lot will be said on @thedelayshow this Sunday at 5:30pm on @tv3_ghana and Delay Tv YouTube ⭐️🤩🌟✨🥳🥰🌹🌹🌹😍😍😍
Founder and leader of the Life Assembly Worship Center, Christian Kwabena Andrews, has urged his followers not allow his personal marital challenges to affect their faith in God.
Addressing his congregants on Sunday, the embattled preacher, popularly known as ‘Osofo Kyiri Abosom’, charged his members to draw a line between their devotion to God and his marital affairs.
He said those who follow him must focus on the spiritual nourishment they receive from him, without being distracted by what goes on in his personal life as a married man.
Talking to his audience in the local Twi dialect, he said “From today, if any Ghanaian asks you about the state of my marriage, tell them it is indeed over.
“Listen, I am the reason you’re here. You’re not here because of marriage. So tell your colleague church members to stop the gossip.
“My wife wasn’t present when God called me. The power I wield is exclusive to only me, and not a shared property with my wife.
The preacher gave this advice while announcing his separation with his wife, Princess Andrews.
The two have been blessed with three children, with Princess lending support to him in his endeavours as a man of God.
But addressing his congregation, he stressed that the marriage hit the rocks, after his wife decided to jilt him for having an affair with another woman.
According to the preacher cum politician, the affair has resulted in a beautiful child whom he will soon outdoor to the general public.
The 2020 flagbearer of the Ghana Union Movement (GUM), however noted that he is unperturbed by the said development.
While defending his actions, he explained that many beautiful women exist and therefore his wife’s decision to abandon their marriage does not bother him.
He added that, his aggrieved wife is currently seeking legal redress on the back of his affair.
Meanwhile, the comments by the preacher have been met with mixed reactions.
In a series of reactions monitored by MyJoyOnline.com, a few have sympathised with the preacher over his actions.
On the other hand, others have criticised his deeds and questioned his integrity as a preacher.
According to his critics, it is unacceptable for a man of God like him to be involved in such an act of infidelity and be unremorseful about it.
His critics further argue that his conduct sets a bad example for his followers and therefore he must not be proud of his alleged adulterous behaviour.
Christian Kwabena Andrews rose to fame during the 2020 presidential elections where he finished third behind President Akufo-Addo of the New Patriotic Party (NPP) and former president John Mahama of the National Democratic Congress (NDC).
His campaign message, which was largely inspired by the ideologies of Ghana’s first president, Osagyefo Dr Kwame Nkrumah, drew a lot of attention to him, plus a considerable following.
Following his suddeen emergence and performance in the race, some pundits and political analysts subsequently touted him as the much talked about ‘third force’ to break the duopoly of the NDC and the NPP.
However, after the 2020 polls, he has been visibly missing in the political discourse.
At the moment, there are no indications as to whether he will put up another fight in the 2024 contest against the NDC and the NPP.
But sources close to the preacher say he is lacing his boots to contest the presidency again in 2024 after his earlier attempt in 2020.
Apart from his political engagements, ‘Osofo Kyiri Abosom’ is known for his sermons about demonic powers and his penchant for breaking into shrines to burn deities and destroy fetish activities.
Information hovering on the internet suggests there is fire on the mountain in the home of Ghanaian actress Bibi Bright after she gave birth to a baby of mixed race. Reports claim Bibi Bright has welcomed her 3rd child with her husband Akwasi Boateng. But this time, she gave birth to a white baby boy which has raised questions about the paternity of the baby.
This is because the couple is both black and there’s no logical explanation for this outcome of birth. One this that’s obvious in this situation is Bibi might have cheated on her husband.
According to details shared by blogger Aba The Great on Instagram, the infidelity of both Bibi and her husband who got married in July 2018 has been top-notch.
Sometime in July 2020, Bibi reportedly caught her husband in bed with another actress, which they later denied ever happening.
On the back of this new development, it is reported that the families of the couple have met to solve the issue but they could not reach a conclusion as Bibi’s husband denied being responsible for the half-caste baby and continued to question her about its real father.
The report adds that Bibi, after being under too much pressure, moved back to her father’s house and eventually traveled out of the country.
Her two daughters are with her estranged husband but she left with her half-caste baby boy.
According to the report, Bibi Bright claims she prefers her lover who is obviously a white man to her Ghanaian husband.
A beautiful Nigerian bride employed top talented Ghanaian vendors for her luxurious traditional ceremony in Somanya. The happy bride with an infectious smile wore two different outfit peculiar to her country and that of her husband for the event.
The beautiful bride slays in a timeless bridal robe
The pretty bride looked radiant in a vintage bridal robe that can be worn to a date night after the wedding. The off-shoulder Chantilly lace robe features floral designs and beading patterns.
The Nigerian bride and her handsome show off their dance move
The pretty bride Angela turned heads with her second aseobi look. She was seen in a brown corseted lace dress styled with beautiful gele style.
She wore two expensive beaded necklace that matched the designs in her lace dress. Angela’s fashionable dad wore a three-piece kente apparel for the glorious ceremony.
Nigerian actor, Charles Okocha, popularly known as Igwe 2pac, has stated that he does not see himself walking down the aisle as marriages do not last these days.
According to the father of two, he is only focused on being a good father to his son and daughter.
He added that most marriages that he admired and deemed exemplary have all crashed or ended up in a divorce, so he sees no point in taking the bold step.
His words, “I have two beautiful kids; a son and a daughter. At this time I am just focused on taking care of my adorable kids and that’s it, and that’s enough. They are my kids and they keep me motivated.
“The truth is I have never been married in my life and I am a happy man. You and I know what is going on these days, you see a couple married for a couple of years and next, they are divorced.
“People you see as role models are getting divorced and when you see them you are like what is going on? These are people you have been looking up to and now they are divorced, how then do you want me to get into this marriage thing?” he quizzed in an interview with Punchng monitored by MyNigeria.
You’ve seen it all before. From movies, books, and even TV series, you witness many ways in which relationships last or fail.
In fact, maybe you’re even sick of hearing advice on how to have a healthy relationship.
But it really is true that relationships need more work and attention than people usually think.
And while itis an amazing feeling to have a romantic partner, you need to be wary if your relationship is already leading toward an unbearable and potentially irreversible path.
Sometimes, though, all it takes is a small change to get things on the right track.
Here are six small, unsexy personal changes to make if your marriage is rocky:
1. Learn to accept things as they are
Relationships always start by getting to know each other.
One thing you need to bear in mind is that if you enter your relationship without fully accepting the other person, then it won’t work.
Do not enter a relationship hoping that you can change your partner. And even while in the relationship, stop waiting for the change to occur.
If you do, this will be a great mistake and possibly even lead to developing a toxic relationship.
And if they dochange, but it’s not in the way you want, you’ll need to accept that, too. The fact is that change is the only consistent thing in this world.
Learn to accept things as they are when they present themselves to you.
If your partner does change, it will be out of their own volition — not yours.
2. Have enough time for yourself
Being in a relationship doesn’t mean that you always need to be together for it to work.
One of the things you never should give up once you enter a relationship is time for yourself. One mistake people make when in a relationship is building their world around their partner and relationship.
And this means that if the time comes that the relationship breaks down, they’re left with nothing. This is where having enough time for yourself would mean so much more than you think.
If you feel like you need to put everything in focus, take some time off.
Go have fun with your friends and pamper yourself. Be sure to allow your partner to also have time alone.
Let your partner enjoy time with friends and respect each other’s alone time. This is how to respect your relationship with yourself, which will enrich your relationship with your spouse or partner.
Since it takes a lot of energy to maintain your relationship, a good rest will help a lot for both of you.
3. Take charge of your own happiness
Remind yourself that your happiness is in your own hands and isn’t dependent on your partner for you to feel good.
Bear in mind that you don’t need to settle on a relationship that makes you feel miserable, though.
In fact, you can search for happiness in many different ways, and this will help you feel more at ease in your connection to your love.
Don’t give away control of your own happiness.
4. Realize your own worth
If you know your own value, then you won’t have to settle on something that won’t make you happy in the first place.
There are times when you enter a relationship just to stop yourself from feeling lonely, but in realizing your worth, you will get to avoid being in one.
Never settle for what you feel is not really worth your time just to avoid being alone.
5. Surround yourself with positive people
One of the ways that you can be optimistic about a lot of things is by surrounding yourself with positive friends.
Having a positive support group surround you can help you reach and claim your own happiness.
And make sure that you’re doing more than just surrounding yourself with great friends — let go of toxic relationships that are hurting you, too.
6. Find ways to motivate yourself to be a better partner
Relationships aren’t just fun, happy times — they’re work. Arguments, disagreements, and sad events happen.
If you’re struggling through one of these patches, remind yourself how amazing you can be, and it will help you stay confident and happy in your relationship.
You can do this in little ways by leaving yourself notes or even “bribing” yourself by rewarding positive actions you’ve taken to strengthen your relationship.
Sometimes, the motivation you need to be a better partner will come from where you least expect it, so recognize when you’ve done a good job.
There may be times when your reminder that you’re doing your best in your relationship is all you need to get through the hard times.
Source: Your Tango
DISCLAIMER: Independentghana.com will not be liable for any inaccuracies contained in this article. The views expressed in the article are solely those of the author’s, and do not reflect those of The Independent Ghana
A video circulating online shows the moment a woman who was a few minutes away from becoming a legitimate wife changed her find abruptly for unknown reasons.
When she and her potential husband were going to exchange vows at the pulpit, she hesitated and indicated her reluctance in joining in holy matrimony with the man.
When the presiding clergyman asked the bride if she would take him as her husband, a popular video on social media captured the moment she replied no. To make sure she was certain of her response, the pastor asked her the same question again.
Someone approached the bride and groom as if to ask questions, but the man signalled the person to stay back. This ushered the wedding guests into a realm of confusion as they wondered what could be wrong.
”What’s happening”, someone probed. At some point wedding, those who interpreted the reality on the ground stared walking out of the venue in disappointment and disbelief.
Michelle Obama, the former US first lady has been the cause of the discourse around marriages in the last one month or so. Social media is awash with the videos she is doing to promote her new book and the think pieces that keep stirring internet wars particularly on twitter cannot stop coming.
Her marriage has always been admirable to a huge percent of the world’s population. Men have wanted something that solid, and women too have coveted her life, and deeply so, because we have always only seen the fine print of the work that has gone into making it.
To us it has always been a really good looking husband, who became the first black man with African roots to rule one of the world’s most powerful nation, and their two beautiful children, who grew up right before our eyes.
We had never seen her marriage, and the things she has had to endure to stay with her man with a deeper perspective until now when she is being really candid with the uncomfortable truths about what it means to be a married woman.
This discomfort she has stirred in women is what brings the question I am trying to answer. Can a marriage exist without taking too much from a woman? Are we eternally destined to always give more? To sacrifice more? And to endure the deep inequalities that Feminism has tried to eradicate?
I might not have an answer because I have never been married but here are a few lessons I have picked from listening to the former first lady.
Marriage Can Never Be Equal
You can never negotiate for a feminist relationship with a heterosexual man. By Feminist here I mean an an equal relationship.
Michelle Obama reacts to viral video of fan calling husband Barack fine
The man may be willing and conscious about inequality but marriage as it is, is a patriarchal system that was built upon the subjugation of women, and until this system is completely dismantled women are always going to suffer inequalities in it. The only thing women can do at present is negotiate for less harm.
Marriage Comes At A Cost To Women
Many women wish to get married, and their frustration towards Michelle is rooted in the fact that they still hope that marriage can benefit them in the ways that it benefits men.
Marriage though is a system that was borne out of the need of consolidating resources between families in an era when women were not anything more than mere vessels charged with the duty of child bearing.
This is why despite being married to one of the most progressive men in the world, Michelle struggled with the same basic things that pain women of all social classes.
That is being or of burdened with the labor raising kids alone while the man who is supposed to be an equal partner is out there chasing his career and personal ambitions.
Her Lived Reality Is Quite Universal
What Michelle has done is that she has revealed the truth of what marriage truly looks like. The truth we see everywhere across the world and that truth we are still trying so hard to resist.
Barack would find time to go to that gym, and to golf while she was feeling totally overwhelmed by the labor that comes with taking care of two young children. According to her, they had a difficult ten years where she felt she was investing more into the marriage than he was.
Our anger towards her is a resistance to the truth, and this shouldn’t be the case. The question we should be pondering upon at present is, what can we do to change the lived realities of women in marriage? How can we negotiate for less labor?
Marriage Wouldn’t Be So Hard If Men Did Their Own Share Of Labor
What caused the discomfort she endured for ten years in marriage was the reproductive labor she had to put in when the kids were younger with little help from her husband who always found time for rest at a time when she was sinking into the anxieties of motherhood.
If men took up to doing their own share of labor in their households, there would be less resentment in marriage.
Love is the trap that leads to marriage and money is the glue that keeps the marriage, some might disagree but the truth remains the truth.
Many marriages are ending on the rocks because couples have been foolishly blinded by love and decided to tie the knot together not paying critical attention to the finances needed to sustain the marriage.
Society, especially our African society puts so much pressure on the youth to marry and produce children as if that were the gateway to heaven. The irony however is that most of those pushing the young ones to marry are miserable in their own marriages.
The African society is designed in such a way that people will hardly share a business opportunity with you, they will never give you opportunities that will make you financially independent and eventually make you better than them, however, they are quick to give you advice that will engineer you to partake in their own pain and misery.
Many young people have ignored this advice to their own destruction, some have even gone ahead to take huge loans to organize luxurious weddings just to please society. They organise beautiful events, paid-for magnificent decorations, and cook all kinds of assorted foods for strangers who even don’t like them.
After everyone has gone and completely forgotten about them, they spend several years trying to repay the loan they used for a one-day wedding event. They now realize the difference between wedding and marriage.
Wedding is that single day where most people make foolish expenses, marriage is the rest of the life you will be living together paying the bills and raising children.
Hear me, marriage is a purely economic decision and not an emotional decision, love alone is not enough. Children are very expensive today in the 21st century. Diapers are not cheap, school fees are not cheap, and healthcare is not cheap in fact children are very expensive and it’s not guaranteed you will get a return on your investment. With the current economic crises, prices of goods and services have increased by almost 100% with salaries remaining the same
There is a saying that love is blind but marriage will open your eyes. If you are not financially stable you might want to tread with caution. Get yourself a good job, start a business, engage in any self-development endeavour that will make you financially stable, and then you can begin to think of settling down.
Society doesn’t care about you, society will not lift a finger to help you if you are in dire need, and society will not pay your rent, your bills, or medical expenses.
Society especially the African society is only generous when you die, they will come to funeral and make generous contributions to give you a befitting burial but once you are alive you fully responsible for fighting your own battles.
If you decide to marry, choose someone you think you can build a decent life with, who can support your business or your career objectives, and who can help you move from point A to point B. Choose a partner who you know is determined to strive for a brighter future.
Love is not enough, physical attributes like beauty, shape, hips, and breast will only begin to annoy you when the realities of marriage start to hit you right in the face. And then you will realize that the very society you tried to please doesn’t give a shit about you.
Marriage is a serious business; marriage is a purely financial decision and not an emotional decision. Love is blind but marriage will open your eyes. Choose carefully.
If you are a partner of a photographer, be prepared for these beautiful things during your relationship.
1. He pays attention to details.
Be prepared for your man to notice to smallest of changes and details, be it the new shoes you have on or the fact that you did something different to your hair.
His eyes do not miss a thing. (Sorry girls, the zit you thought you covered up- well he noticed it!). In most cases, this is a boon seeing how he recalls everything you say and like.
2. He is a very patient man.
Years of adjusting cameras, focusing lenses and repeatedly trying to capture an object perfectly have made him extremely patient. He knows that good things come to those who wait, so don’t be surprised if before a night out he patiently waits for you to get dressed for an hour without cribbing or asking you to hurry up. He values you.
3. Be prepared to pose.
Now that you two are together, he has someone he finds truly beautiful to take pictures of all the time. He will take many pictures of you, some when you are not looking, some while you’re pigging out, and some when you probably feel like you look half asleep. Nevertheless, he finds them beautiful and may heaven save you if try to delete one! These pictures are truly precious to him.
4. He finds beauty in the simplest things possible.
Don’t be surprised if he stops walking abruptly and pauses to take a snap of a rusty chair in an alley. This may seem crazy to you but he finds this aesthetic. Similarly, even on your worst hair days, don’t be surprised if he looks at you as if you are the most beautiful girl in the world! Because for him, you are
5. On a road trip, be prepared to hear a lot about the landscape.
He will stress the beauty of the snow-capped Alps against the Italian scenery plenty of times. Sometimes he will stop mid conversation and gaze at the landscape. On the same note, his camera probably has more pictures of palm trees and flowers than you and him. Nature truly fascinates him, and if not already, this is something you yourself will learn to eventually admire.
6. As much as you try to blend in, his camera(s) will shout out “TOURISTS!”
Don’t be surprised if at every outing during a trip abroad, the fact that you two are tourists is obvious. His camera(s) will draw attention to you two, but he doesn’t mind. It works better than the classic tourist shirt and straw-hat, I tell you!
7. You will visit beautiful and interesting places.
Churches, museums, scenic beaches- they are his world- he loves them and will not hesitate to take you along to show you what he enjoys. Sometimes you two may have to take a detour during your way to the city centre because he saw a beautiful alley he hasn’t taken pictures of yet.
8. Be prepared to learn a lot about photography.
He will teach you his passion, because you are the girl he loves, and he wishes for you to admire the beauty that he sees in trivial things. Vertical and horizontal symmetry, depth and perspective do not have the same meaning for you any more. Don’t be surprised if you have long talks about why the sunbed, the grass and the swimming pool are symmetrical, I assure you that you will learn a lot!
9. Lastly, he will love you for trying to learn and adjust to his lifestyle.
My boyfriend laughs and kisses me lovingly whenever I call his fixed focal length camera lens (yes, I just asked him for the name of this lens!) “too zoomed in”.
He will admire the fact that you wish to learn more about his passion, and don’t be afraid to embrace his hobby. You might just end up enjoying it as much too!
A Chinese woman recently sparked controversy online after claiming that she has spent the last 12 years of her life trying to raise enough money to ensure that her brother finds a bride.
It’s no secret that securing a bride in China is harder than in most other countries. One of the unexpected effects of the Asian country’s notorious one-child policy was gender inequality. For decades, many couples, especially in rural regions, aimed for boys, turning to sex-selective abortion and even infanticide to make sure that their only child was a boy.
Males were strong enough to work and more likely to be successful enough to look after their elderly parents later on in life. Only that created a serious gender inequality in China, with more bachelors for every single woman, which makes it very difficult for men to secure a bride. So in some cases, their families offer them financial support, to increase their chances of finding a suitable bride.
But to truly understand the need for financial support in what is considered a matter of the heart, we need to talk about ‘bride price‘. This longstanding Chinese tradition of the groom’s family having to offer gifts to the bride’s family in exchange for her hand has changed significantly over the last few decades. In the ’60s and ’70s, modest gifts like bedding were the norm, then in the ’80s it was household electronics like TVs and refrigerators, but since the economic boom that started in the 1990s, things escalated to the point where bride prices are now paid in cash, cars and houses.
Bachelors from poor families have such low chances of finding a bride, that some regions are resorting to importing young women from neighboring countries, but some families are so determined to see their single men find a bride the old-fashioned way that they sacrifice their own lives in the process. Case in point, a 33-year-old woman from Anhui province, in eastern China who reportedly dedicated the last 12 years of her life to making sure her brother has enough wealth to secure a wife.
The unnamed woman told Miaowen Video that she had been running a small restaurant specializing in Chinese pancakes with a monthly turnover of 100,000 yuan ($14,000). But instead of using the profits on herself over the last 12 years, she had invested in a 129 sq meter home and a new car for her brother, and she had also gifted him her restaurant…
A young woman says she’s now facing a dilemma after her much older boyfriend brought up the topic of marriage, casually asking her whether this would be something she’d be open to. According to the 23-year-old woman, she’s been with her ‘wonderful’ 71-year-old boyfriend for two years, and loves and cares for him very much.
At the moment, he’s in relatively good health and lives an active lifestyle. The longevity of his parents, who both lived until their nineties, has further reassured her that would have plenty of time together as a married couple. The potential bride-to-be doesn’t want children and feels as though their marriage could very well work out, however, she does have a few concerns about the caring role she may one day have to take on.
Taking to Reddit, where she goes by the username u/cinnamonpenguinss, the conflicted girlfriend wrote: “His mum does have Alzheimer’s or dementia, and is very frail. This leads me to believe that there will be a point in his life when he will need extra care.
“His dad did not have memory issues but did have a stroke. He doesn’t have any children, so I would be taking care of him as he gets older. What does it look like to care for an aging partner, especially if you have a job/career?
“It’s a little strange planning for an end of a marriage, but I fully believe that a decade or two of happiness with him is better than not. I just want to make sure that I am the right one to take care of him and love him.”
Opinions were mixed as to whether she should go ahead and marry her other half, with some even arguing she’d be ‘wasting the best years’ of her life.
One person urged: “You are signing up to be his nurse, not his wife. Don’t sabotage yourself like this! You deserve better. Don’t waste your young years being a servant. This is a horrible idea.
“This will damage you and set you back for the rest of your life, you must listen to the women who made the same mistake and are regretting it because of how the stress of being a 24/7 nurse and servant made them sick for the rest of their lives, to the point of needing but not affording someone to help them.”
Others however were more encouraging, with one sympathetic person, who sadly lost their much older husband to cancer, commenting: “I adored my husband. If I had the time again knowing I was going to lose him and there was nothing I could do about it. I would still do it all again.
“Even if you were with someone your own age there would still be a likelihood of one of you acting for the other further down the line anyway so take your happiness if you love them then it won’t be a barrier. It certainly wasn’t for me.”
A judge in British Columbia has cancelled a marriage annulment after discovering the ex-wife who appeared before the court was an imposter.
In an attempt to get his marriage annulled, the husband used a woman to pose as his wife over a “remote audio connection” in court to deny his ex-wife his pension benefits, according to a report by CBC News.
Warren Zant, a 76-year-old Kamloops resident, married his wife, Gina Zant in the Cook Islands in 1999 and the two separated two decades later. They filed an agreement that stated that Gina Zant would receive survivor benefits with Warren Zant’s Operating Engineers’ Pension Plan.
In Nov. 2021, Warren participated in a virtual court hearing where he appeared by telephone claiming that his ex-wife was also in the room with him. Warren Zant explained to Justice Dennis Hori that their marriage in 1999 could not have been done legally due to Gina Zant not having been divorced from her ex-husband.
Hori accepted these terms after viewing documents that had Gina Zant’s signature on them consenting to the annulment. He had not requested further proof that Gina Zant was indeed the woman on the phone.
Warren Zant then sent a copy of the annulment order to the Operating Engineers’ Pension Plan. After the decision, Gina Zant got wind of the annulment after the administrator of the pension plan called her to update her. Gina Zant said she “was unaware of any court proceedings.”
He scrutinized the original documents Warren Zant had given him and verified emails that stated that Warren Zant’s marriage to Gina was fraudulent. Hori then determined that the papers from Chetumal, Mexico were also fradulent, later confirmed by the Canadian embassy.
David Paul, the lawyer for the Pension Plan stated that the real Gina Zant was “very pleased” with Hori’s decision.
According to Info News, Warren claimed he was mentally incompetent in 2012, but in 2022 on social media there are pictures of him and his new wife happily sightseeing in Mexico.
Have you ever had those nights where he just can’t stop snoring and you wake up the next morning ready to lash out at whoever crosses your path? Or maybe, she can’t stop moving around while she’s sleeping, and you’re left groggy all day. Perhaps one of you gets up at freaking 5:30 am and the other likes to sleep in? We bring to you a solution you’ve definitely considered before, at least in your own mind: sleep divorce.
Sharing a bed is seen as one of the most intimate things a couple can do. On the other hand, a couple sleeping in different rooms often sparks all sorts of malicious gossip. We’re all so used to the idea that couples have to sleep in the same bed, but what if it starts resulting in poor sleep or no sleep at all?
No, sleep divorce is not you dreaming about a divorce. It simply means sleeping in a different bed from your partner or even in a different room if required. That sounds like a great idea, right? No longer will you need four cups of coffee to get you through the day. Say goodbye to your dark circles. But wait, will your marriage suffer?
To answer all your questions, we’ve turned to psychologist Ridhi Golechha (Masters in Psychology), who specializes in physical, mental, and emotional health counseling, for insights. We break down everything to do with this new trend so you can make your decision without too many sleepless nights.
What Is Sleep Divorce?
As mentioned, sleep breakup means sleeping in two separate beds whether they are in the same room or different according to the convenience of you and your partner. Now, if someone told you, “My husband and I sleep in separate rooms,” you’d immediately question the strength of their marriage, right? Well, maybe you shouldn’t. Signs of a bad marriage are completely different.
Think about it, who even told you that you absolutely have to sleep in the same bed as your partner, every single night? Especially if it’s affecting your sleep. Thoughts like, “That’s just how it’s always been!” and “Those who sleep apart grow apart” might be rushing to your mind right now. But did you know that David and Victoria Beckham practiced solo sleeping too? And they seem to be doing pretty well.
A survey run by a bedding company found out that 1 in every 12 participating American couples has already given sleep breakup a shot. This kind of sleeping arrangement has helped a lot of people. When you don’t have to hear the deathly loud snores or the meticulously acted-out dream by your sleep-talking partner, who wouldn’t fancy a marriage of solo sleeping? Are you telling me you aren’t even a little curious?
How Common Is Sleep Divorce?
Not only do the Beckhams prove that it’s a healthy practice for cohabitating couples, but Britain’s Queen Elizabeth and Prince Philip never slept in the same bed. And their marriage lasted 74 years. Also, television’s famous face Carson Daly recently talked in an interview about splitting beds with his wife, “We both, admittedly, slept better apart”. If royalty and celebrity stories don’t inspire much confidence in you, maybe science and statistics will.
Let us give you a reality check. According to a survey, 75% of Americans admitted that sharing a bed with their partner affects their quality of sleep and 25% reported that the situation has worsened since the pandemic. In another similar poll run in America, 19% of 2000 respondents blamed their live-in partners for a disrupted sleeping condition. In a survey of 3000 Americans, 30% of the participants admitted their desire to file for a sleep divorce.
Is it time for you to get your own bed?
So, if you are feeling guilty in your mind for secretly wanting a sleep breakup with your spouse/partner, don’t. It shows you genuinely care about this relationship and are willing to make adjustments to sustain it. We get it, it’s a big decision. You may still be on the fence about this one. Plus, there’s probably an awkward conversation you’d have to have with your partner.
But, Studies claim that sleeping separately can improve the quality of sleep because of fewer disruptions. It doesn’t necessarily suggest that your relationship has fallen into a pit and couples should be open to having a healthy conversation in this regard. If executed sensitively, this can be a blessing for your marriage.
How To Ask For A Sleep Divorce?
Before you make up your mind to jump on the sleep divorce trend, it’s important to understand how you should go about asking your partner for one. After all, you don’t want your partner to be anxiously awake the entire night, wondering about the health of your relationship. “I’m not getting enough sleep, let’s sleep separately” might easily be misinterpreted as “I don’t like sleeping with you, I want to sleep alone” as a result of poor communication in your relationship. Instead, you can say,
“Honey, we both know this disturbed sleeping pattern is hampering our everyday routine. We get cranky, we are always tired. I have a proposal that might solve this problem. But before I say anything, you must know that it’s not coming from a place where I love you any less or don’t find you attractive anymore. Will you be open to the idea of sleeping in two separate beds from now on?”
Telling us how we should go about asking our partners for a sleep divorce, Ridhi shares a few important points to consider, “When you are about to have this discussion, make sure your relationship has good stability and bonding. If either of the partners is insecure, asking for a sleep separation might trigger the insecurity even further.
“If either of you has an anxious attachment style, you need to approach such a proposition delicately. The most important thing to consider is that your partner doesn’t take this as a sign of rejection and starts feeling unwanted. The solo sleeping arrangement should be opted when you both feel secure and loved in your bond.”
How to make sleep divorce work without hurting your partner
Understandably, asking your partner for a sleep breakup is a tricky prospect. Even though this practice is on the rise, the stigma attached to the act of sleeping apart is still enough to warrant a few judgmental looks from people you know. Even so, if it feels like the right thing to do, there’s no reason why you shouldn’t follow this sleep divorce trend.
But before you do, have a game plan ready to make sure the situation doesn’t go out of hand in case your partner’s reaction is very disapproving. At this point, it’s your holy duty to clarify that you are not pushing the love of your life away just for the sake of a good night’s sleep. Depriving yourselves of physical affection is so not the intention of this plan. Here’s what Bonobology suggests to strike a balance between your sexual health and personal space:
Don’t verbally attack your partner for ruining your sleep cycle
Use ‘we’ pronouns instead of ‘you’
Reassure them that it has nothing to do with your emotional or physical bonding
If the problem is not about snoring, you may consider two single beds in the same room
Keep some time before you go to sleep for cuddling, feeling each other’s touch, lovemaking, and intimate conversations
Ask your partner to name their terms instead of forcing your wishes on them
9 Ways A Sleep Divorce Can Help Your Marriage
We’re not saying you strictly have to sleep away from your beloved significant other every single night. You can hop into bed with your partner whenever you want. Stay the night even, it’s cold outside of the blanket anyway (and we all know how important sex is in a relationship). But if the snoring or the kicking starts, you know you always have your own bed to go to. And here’s why you should get your own bed:
1. You get to miss your partner
Ever since the pandemic, working from home has become a way of life which basically means you’re spending most of your time with your partner. And we’re sure every couple would agree that constantly being together can get a bit much. You need personal space in a relationship to survive and grow, and being joined at the hip for 24 hours isn’t going to do you any favor.
Ridhi says “Absence makes the heart grow fonder. That saying holds more truth than we care to admit. You must’ve noticed that when you or your partner are away on trips, you start missing them more. Your rational brain starts thinking about gratitude and all the good things in your dynamic, instead of constantly thinking of the shortcomings.
“Once the spotlight from the negatives of your bond shifts to the positives of it, the distance ends up creating a healthier attachment. When you turn to separate beds before falling asleep, you definitely get a chance to miss your partner which in turn can lead to you focusing more on the positives,” she adds.
Spending the nights apart will not only make for more peaceful sleep but will also give you time to yearn for your partner to be with you. If you get through the night without climbing into their bed, you’ll be able to enjoy a cup of coffee or tea with your partner the next morning, with no resentment over lost sleep. We bet by now you’re starting to believe a bit in the whole sleep divorce trend, aren’t you.
2. You’ll finally get enough sleep to survive the day
The number one reason why you should throw ‘those who sleep apart grow apart’ into the trash is that you’ll finally be able to get enough sleep. You won’t be putting salt in your coffee and sugar in your eggs. You’ll be waking up refreshed instead of heavy-eyed and grumpy.
And you won’t be looking over to the other side of the bed with disgust, planning a murder in your head. Instead, you might just go over and hug your partner good morning. Heck, you may even feel like bringing them breakfast in bed. When was the last time you did that as a way of showing affection? Whoever said “You can’t make others happy unless you are happy” was damn right!
3. Studies say it helps the marriage
Is solo sleeping a healthy strategy for marriage or couples who are living together? The data seems to be backing us up. Research claims that getting better sleep increases the overall quality of marital life. And, there are also studies pointing out that a lack of sleep may result in nastier fights.
We already told you how sleep divorce is on the rise and with good reason too. We’re not saying it’ll all be smooth sailing, though. You will need to ease into it with your spouse. Maybe surprise them with a bunch of roses, spice up the makeout sessions, cuddle before saying goodnight, and hop into your own bed for a peaceful sleep, minus the snoring/grunting/kicking. Trust us, you’ll like your partner so much more in the morning.
4. The time you spend together will be a lot more fulfilling
Often in relationships, we end up chasing the amount of time spent together rather than focusing on what we’re both doing during those precious hours together. If you’re with each other all day, chances are you might just end up taking each other for granted, since the humdrum of life might translate into your dynamic as well.
Ridhi tells us how sleep separation may be able to rectify, dare we say it, a boring relationship. “Often we look at the time with our partner from a perspective of quantity over quality. It’s always about “How much time are you spending with me?” and not necessarily about “What are we doing in this limited time that we’re spending together?”
“When you change the focus from spending more time together to spending quality time together, it’ll have a positive impact on your relationship. In this day and age, couples are busy and have a very hectic ‘hustle culture’ life. That’s the reason their sleep quality and the quality of their relationships need to be at the top of their game and sleeping apart can help with both,” she says.
5. No more “You’re on my side!”
When you were dating, you couldn’t wait to see your partner for all the hugs and cuddles. And now, it has come down to this – their immovable leg on ‘your’ side of the bed makes you super angry. You both have your own pillows and blankets and yet almost every night, one person hogs all of the space, and the other struggle to not fall off hanging on the edge of the bed.
When you’re sleeping on your own bed, these problems will never bother you again. No longer will the eight inches of the bed be ‘your’ side. Bed solutions for couples don’t get easier than this and the other common relationship problems will be curbed as well. Instead of figuring out what to do with your arms all night, you’ll finally be able to focus on sleeping.
6. It’ll improve your cuddling and sex life
If you’re sharing a bed but anticipating a restless night, a visual representation of your bedtime with your partner probably wouldn’t feature romantic music in the background or you lovingly staring into your partner’s eyes. It would feature both of you saying goodnight, finding a comfortable position, and trying to sleep. Without even a hint of cuddling.
When sharing the same bed, you might sometimes just have sex/cuddle for the sake of it. When you’re sleeping in separate beds and you start missing your partner, you’ll go over to cuddle because you actually want to. You’ll initiate sex more passionately and willingly. Can you think of any better way to keep the spark alive after ten years of married life?
8. Stay married longer by being healthier
It’s no surprise that getting a full night of quality sleep for at least 7 hours results in multiple health benefits. Studies show that when you get a good night’s rest, your muscles get a chance to recover. You feel well-rested and your overall sleep schedule gets better. If you tend to feel anxious or depressed or suffer from some other mental illness, a whole host of studies claim how crucial it is for you to be getting a good night’s rest.
Wake up refreshed after a good night’s rest!
An average person spends 25 years of their life asleep, make sure you’re not just twisting and turning but actually sleeping for those 25 years. When your body feels fully rested, your mind will feel at ease too. It’ll be easier to put things into perspective and tackle your problems one step at a time. All thanks to sleep breakup, you can do that without popping sleep medicine every night or visiting a sleep specialist.
“Do I need a sleep divorce?” – Take this quiz to find out
Sleep separation can turn out to be a very sensitive issue for many people. Even professional therapists don’t outright prescribe it to couples with troubled sleeping situations. Rather they would lay down the positive and negative aspects of this arrangement and leave the rest to the couple to decide what works best for their marriage. In case you are not sure what warrants you to ask your partner to sleep separately, this quiz might help you prioritize your needs:
Does your partner’s excessive snoring annoy you too much? Yes/No
Do they keep kicking you off the bed throughout the night? Yes/No
Do they come to bed very late waking you up? Yes/No
Do they have a habit of scrolling their phone or working from the bedroom till late? Yes/No
Do you feel anxious before going to bed? Yes/No
Are getting more and more dependent on sleeping pills? Yes/No
Does your partner’s body heat under the sheets bother you? Yes/No
Do you always need a drink before bed to help you fall asleep? Yes/No
Is your sex life taking a serious hit due to the lack of sleep? Yes/No
Are you and your partner fighting a lot throughout the day? Yes/No
If you tick on more than 6 ‘yes’, you should seriously consider shifting to a separate bed. Remember, the problems may lie with you too. Be attentive if your partner is facing similar troubles sleeping beside you.
Key Pointers
Sleep divorce isn’t an actual separation between two partners; it only suggests sleeping in different beds
Several sleep disorders or different sleeping times and bedtime habits of one or both partners might lead to this arrangement
The idea is to get good sleep to keep yourself sane and save your marriage from falling apart
Sleep separation shouldn’t arise from any serious conflicts between two partners
You should set aside some time for physical intimacy and bedtime conversations before going to sleep
Be very sensitive and choose your words carefully when you are asking your partner for a sleep breakup
At the end of the day, if you’re struggling with getting enough sleep and feel groggy the next day because of the pressure to sleep on the same bed as your partner, sleeping solo will most definitely come to your rescue. Considering how sleep divorce is on the rise, we’re pretty sure the stigma attached to sleeping apart will soon fade away too. What are you waiting for? Go buy those two single beds you’ve always wanted but were too shy to bring up. Just send your spouse this article, and they’ll get the hint.
This article has been updated in Oct, 2022.
FAQs
1. Is it OK for married couples to sleep apart?
Yes, it is absolutely okay for married couples to sleep apart. Given that you both realize that this isn’t done as a sign of resentment and is being done only to sleep properly. If one of the parties involved is not happy about sleeping separately, it should be avoided. But if both parties are willing, a sleep breakup can have a whole lot of benefits. You’ll sleep better, feel physically and mentally better, you’ll get a chance to miss your partner and your sex life may just improve too.
2. How do I know if it’s time for a sleep divorce?
If you’re racing to fall asleep first, if your partner’s snoring/kicking about keeps you up all night, and if you directly blame your partner for not being able to get sleep, it’s probably time for you to split the beds. Other signs include you can’t go to sleep without putting earplugs in, having a drink prior to bed, or taking sleeping pills. Sleeping naturally is the best way to do it, and since the solo sleeping trend is on the rise, you could try it out.
3. What are the cons of sleep divorce?
If one partner is not fully sold on the idea of sleep splitting, he/she could develop feelings of resentment. It’s important to make sure that all the partners are completely on board.
As long as that’s taken care of and sexual and intimacy needs are properly communicated, there aren’t many cons to a sleep breakup. Except, of course, having to clean double the number of sheets.’
Grace Migliaccio decided at the last minute not to get on the plane.
It was summer 1984. Grace, a recent college graduate in her early 20s, had put all her savings towards a long distance flight from her home in Washington DC to visit her Australian boyfriend, John Hiron.
The couple met at a party earlier that year, a few days before John was supposed to be leaving town. The early days of their relationship were a whirlwind — after falling for Grace, John extended his trip for as long as possible.
They were, as Grace puts it, “super head-over-heels madly in love.” But eventually John’s visa ran out, and he had to go home. After that, Grace and John’s relationship was confined to letters. Their snail mail took weeks to travel overseas, and the physical distance between them created an emotional distance that was hard to bridge.
As her departure date approached, Grace started to worry.
“I had a dream that I was making a huge mistake,” Grace tells CNN Travel today. “I just had a really bad gut feeling I shouldn’t go.”
It didn’t help that Grace, “was not an adventure taker,” as she puts it. Looking for reassurance, Grace spontaneously called John. The couple rarely spoke on the phone due to the hefty long-distance charges, but she was feeling increasingly desperate.
“I needed him to say, ‘You’re doing the right thing,’” she recalls. “But he wasn’t home.”
Grace and John, pictured here in 1984, struggled to navigate a long-distance relationship.
Instead, John’s mother answered and said she’d pass on the message. It was over 36 hours before John phoned Grace back. In the interim, Grace’s anxiety only increased.
“Should I come?” Grace asked, when John eventually returned the call.
“If you want to,” was John’s response.
For Grace, this apparent nonchalance sealed the deal.
“I didn’t get on the plane,” she says. “And so he went to the airport to get me, to pick me up, and I didn’t get off — I wasn’t on the plane.”
“I said the wrong thing, without a doubt,” says John, who blames his immaturity. He wanted her to come, he says now, he just didn’t know how to express it and the long distance was tough.
When Grace didn’t turn up, John and his friends went straight from the airport to the pub. Over beers, his friends told John he’d meet someone else and move on. But John knew he’d lost something not easily replaced.
A few days later, he called Grace to ask her what went wrong. Over the grainy connection, Grace and John both struggled to articulate how they felt. Achieving a sense of closure felt impossible.
“I know we’re going to date other people, but we shouldn’t marry anyone else,” said Grace eventually, sensing the call — and their relationship — was coming to an end.
“Why?” asked John, thousands of miles away in his parent’s house in Perth.
“Because we’re never going to love someone the way we love each other,” said Grace.
Different directions
Grace and John, pictured here in 1984, went their seperate ways after she decided not to get on the plane to be with him.
For months afterward, Grace says she felt “devastated.” But she tried not to imagine what life would be like if she’d boarded her flight. Instead, she “set about trying to move forward.”
“I bought a car with the money that I was going to go to Australia with, so that I couldn’t be tempted to change my mind later,” she says.
Months turned into years and John and Grace remained on the periphery of each other’s lives.
“I would call periodically,” says John. “One year I called, and she got married. And then I called again and her parents had died.”
Sometimes, John would phone and wouldn’t get through — Grace would have moved, and he’d struggle to track her down. There was no social media or email to aid this quest, and one time John phoned an international directory in the US to find Grace.
For Grace, these intermittent calls were bittersweet.
“I would swear, ‘l am not going to talk to him anymore. What is the point?’ along the way. Because it would stir up emotions,” she says.
“But every time he would call, I would take the call, of course. But I would swear this is the last time we’re going to talk.”
Grace kept all of John’s letters.
The decades rolled on. Grace and John dated and then married other people, and later had children.
“Twenty-two years later, I’d long moved on from this relationship,” says Grace.
Even so, she’d kept all of John’s letters.
“I always had them wherever I went, whoever I was with, however many times I moved, the things that he gave me came along with me.”
Then, one day in January 2007, John called Grace out of the blue. The two hadn’t been in touch for some time. In the interim, they’d both been going through trying times — by coincidence, Grace had recently separated from her husband and John and his wife had also recently split.
“I said, ‘We’ve broken up and I’m not married anymore.’ And Grace said the same thing,” recalls John.
“That was really surprising that we were both separated,” says Grace.
The two talked for a short while, sharing how they were both feeling about their marriage breakdowns.
John mentioned a device called a webcam was becoming more commonplace — maybe they could video call sometime?
“I went to the local Staples, and I bought an external webcam, and I plugged it in and had to figure out how to use it,” says Grace. “And we saw each other for the first time in 22 years.”
The image was slightly pixelated, Grace took a moment to adjust to John’s gray hair — but despite the years, they both recognized one another right away.
“It’s funny how your mind tricks your eye, and you see the person from age 22, you don’t see the person who’s 45, in your mind, you see the young person,” says Grace. “And so from the minute we actually saw each other, it was super emotional — this almost visceral reaction.”
It was also a bit awkward.
“We didn’t really have a lot to talk about at first because what is there to talk about?” says Grace. “Just — ‘how are you doing with the divorce? How are the kids? How are you handling it?’ And helping each other through that, and kind of catching up on our lives and where we were and what was going on.”
Still, they arranged to speak again and over the next few months, they connected frequently by video call. Grace and John felt drawn to one another and their calls became a bright spot in both their lives.
“I’d get home from work, and we’d sit down and I’d be watching TV and the webcam was on and we’d talk for the night,” says John.
After a while, John suggested he could come to the US and they could reunite in person.
Grace was hesitant — was this a terrible idea? She raised the question with her marriage counselor, who suggested seeing John could bring about some much needed closure.
“She said, ‘This will be good for you to see each other, and you’ll never see each other again. So it’s kind of a very safe thing to do. You’re not going to get into something complicated, because how could you? You’re so far away.’ That was her advice. And that backfired…”
Reunited in the US
Here’s Grace and John in 2008, when they were reunited in the US.Grace picked John up from Newark Airport in March 2008. Waiting in a taxi with a bottle of champagne and chocolate covered strawberries, she found herself thinking about the day, all those years ago, that she didn’t get on the airplane.
When she saw John again, Grace says “it was like getting back a missing piece of myself that I hadn’t realized was lost for so long.”
“It was amazing. Very emotional,” says John of their reunion. “It was just about like no time had passed, it was all very familiar and comfortable.”
Before John’s arrival, Grace was worried there would be awkward silences. She’d prepared conversation topics, but these prompts turned out to be unnecessary. After just a few days together, the decades did seem to melt away. Grace and John started to discuss maybe meeting again in a year’s time.
But as they spent more time together, the two realized they were more than just old friends. The connection they’d felt in 1984 was still there, and waiting a year to reunite felt impossible.
“We were like, ‘Well, what are we going to do? Because now we can’t ever be apart again. We made a mistake — maybe we were young, maybe it was the right mistake and things worked out the way they were supposed to. But we can’t just go back to now being apart again,’” says Grace.
One evening, they reread the letters Grace had kept for all those years.
“It literally made us cry, to see the depth of emotion then, and that we could have let it slip away,” says Grace.
Then they found themselves recalling the phone conversation they’d had in 1984, right after Grace didn’t get on the plane.
“I said, ‘Wow, 22 years ago, I said we shouldn’t marry someone else.’ And he finished the sentence ‘….because we’ll never love somebody the way we love each other,’” says Grace,
“He remembered that — and that was like a stab in the heart of, ‘Okay, now, what are we going to do?’ This is going to be difficult and complicated.”
Grace and John lived on opposite sides of the globe. They were both going through divorces. They both had children they loved, and they wanted to be part of their lives. Following their hearts was complicated.
Still, several months later, Grace visited John in Australia, and less than a year after that, John moved to the US and the couple eloped.
“I was very emotional because we waited a lifetime, really, to say those words,” says Grace of their wedding day.
The couple eloped, and 10 years later celebrated their wedding anniversary in Hawaii, pictured.
Falling in love again, 23 years later, was as bittersweet and complicated, as much as it was “euphoric.”
Some loved ones were hurt by their reunion. Some friends thought they were both going through midlife crises. For John, moving across the world from his children was particularly tough.
“It was extremely hard, extremely emotional,” he says.
“It was a couple of years of really difficult times with that move,” says Grace.
But as the dust settled, John and Grace were able to spend significant time in Australia, as well as in the US.
They became a cross-continental blended family, bringing their children together whenever they could. Some of John’s children have since studied and worked in the US.
“What’s amazing is all the five kids get on pretty well together,” says John. “We can take them on a vacation and everyone gets on well, we have a good time.”
“We like to think that in the end, when you get past the pain, we made all of our kids’ lives so much bigger, and set a great example for love,” says Grace.
Making up for lost time
Grace and John say they are trying to make the most of every day together, and travel a lot — including to the Taj Mahal in India, pictured here.
Today, 15 years since their reunion, John and Grace still live together in the US, where they’re “making up for lost time.”
“It almost feels like we’d never been apart,” says John.
They try to enjoy, as Grace puts it, “a lot of traveling and adventures and experiences to create a lifetime of memories in a shorter, compressed period of time.”
Loved ones who were originally naysayers have come round in the interim. And as for Grace and John, they’ve both come to believe things happened the way they should have.
“It’s worked out the way it was meant to work out,” says John, who says the decision to be together wasn’t easy, but it’s always been worth it.
“If we tried to carry on from 1984, we probably wouldn’t have been mature enough to get through that period to get to where we are now,” says Grace. “So I feel sad, but I know that I have the best of it now. So it can’t really be sad, because it all worked out the way it was supposed to — despite all of our mistakes that we made, including me not getting on the plane.”
When my marriage came to an end, I decided I’d never get married again. Honestly, I had never really believed in marriage in the first place but when I found myself in love and not thinking straight (a common side effect of love), I also found myself engaged.
But even before my future husband and I officially tied the knot, I told myself that if it didn’t work out, this marriage would be the one and only time.
In my mind, you get one shot at such a thing. While I don’t judge those who have multiple marriages under their belt, I wonder how they reconcile by doing it over and over again. At some point, one has to admit that maybe they’re bad at marriage and, because of that, maybe they should refrain from doing it.
Fall in love, live with someone, and have a commitment ceremony if you want. But marriage three or four times? Come on.
When I decided I’d never marry again, it was more than a decision; it was a promise to myself. I moved my engagement ring, a single pearl in a white gold setting from an antique shop in Paris, to my middle finger on my left hand. Then I threw my wedding band into the Mediterranean Sea.
I swam out as far as I could that day, until I felt nervous because I was so far from shore, looked at the quote on the inside of the ring that read: “I forget the rest,” and threw it. My estranged husband’s ring read, “We were together.”
“We were together. I forget the rest.” —Walt Whitman
But I wanted to make sure that I stuck to this promise I made. I wanted something permanent, a reminder of what a debacle my marriage was, in case I were to ever forget, as well as a daily visual to make sure that no matter how hard I fell in love the next time around, I’d never slip a ring on that finger again.
So I got a tattoo.
“There should be a place where only the things you want to happen, happen.” ―Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are
Growing up, one of my favorite books was Where the Wild Things Are. As someone who even to this day spends an obscene amount of time in my head fantasizing about other places, none of which are of this world, it was a story with which I always identified. I still identify with it and its character, Max, some 30-something years later after the first time it was read to me.
You see, Max is a wild thing. I, too, am a wild thing. So I did what any wild thing would do: I tattooed Max’s crown on the inside of my ring finger.
Photo: Author
Not only would it forever remind me of my freedom, my wildness, and the marriage I escaped to have these things, but it would also remind me of Max and what I first felt when my mother read the story to me so long ago.
It was not strange to want to sail away. I was not wrong to want to be someone else, go someplace else, and feel something else from time to time. Being wild takes a level of courage that not everyone has.
“And Max, the king of all wild things, was lonely and wanted to be where someone loved him best of all.” ―Maurice Sendak, Where the Wild Things Are.
I realize some will scoff at such a thing. Some will point out that a tattoo doesn’t prevent a ring from being slipped on a finger, a wedding band or otherwise, and physically, that’s true. But for me, it does. For me, its meaning transcends past physical capability.
Photo: Author
Once upon a time, I committed myself to a person whom I loved very much and he betrayed me. Now, my only commitment is to myself. I’m the queen of this story, the writer of these chapters, and now, like any proper heroine, I have my own crown to remind me of this always.
Social media has been buzzing with comments following a video of a young man who rode on a bike with his bride on their wedding day.
In a TikTok video posted by @Mujunimedardmujuni, the man proudly mounted the bike alongside his wife and the chief bridesmaid.
It appears the bride and the groom were on their way to the wedding venue. The lady wore a veil, while the man was dressed in a suit and tie.
However, it is not yet known if the man is an Okada rider or if he and his wife just decided to ride on a bike on their big day.
TikTok users send congratulatory messages
Social media users are impressed by the humility of the bride for agreeing to be carried on a bike on her day. They also praised the man for being wise instead of showing off unnecessarily.
@patmore 77 said:
“In love with the special car. God bless your marriage.”
cissy Akky reacted:
“That’s what we call true love in capital letters.”
@kansi44 said:
“No one really can provide a car for transport. Happy marriage.”
@CJEMO reacted:
“Enjoyment as long as you alive.”
@Gretchen Rayfai62 said:
“Done, it’s really special.”
@user8867290433852 said:
“Woow long live and have a happy marriage.”
@donnashuemate commented:
“Wow! l love you both. You all are wonderful. Keep it up. I’m happy for you all. Please stay together.”
@jazjohnson999 said:
“Have a blessed marriage.”
Meanwhile, a Nigerian lady identified as Michael Ozioma Helen caused a huge stir on social media as she announced the cancellation of her wedding ceremony barely three days to the occasion – it was supposed to hold on Saturday, April 16.
Sharing her wedding invitation card with a ‘CALLED OFF’ boldly written across it in red, Helen opened up in a lengthy Facebook post that she has been suffering domestic violence at the hands of her would-be husband David Okiki.
The lady said trouble started in her relationship after David paid her bride price. According to Helen, she had thought she knew him well owing to the fact that they were former secondary school mates.
