According to the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN), the judge, Malam Rilwanu Kyaudai, confirmed the divorce between the couple through Khul’i (divorce by mutual Agreement).
He, however, ordered that Dahiru return to her now ex-husband, the dowry, a suitcase containing clothes – except the ones she has already used.
“She will only return the clothes she hasn’t used. The complainant has the permission of the court to move her belongings from her former husband’s house”, the judge ruled, as quoted by NAN.
Although Yakubu objected to the divorce, saying he loved Dahiru and had no intention of letting her go, the court granted the divorce.
Meanwhile, in another report, a 25-year-old woman who has been arrested for killing her husband has confessed to the crime, saying he treated her well and they never quarrelled, but she simply hates marriage.
The suspect, Fatima Abubakar who is currently in the custody of Nigeria’s Borno State Police Command, said that she got pissed off without any provocation whenever she woke up to realise that she was married.
According to her, before the tragic death of her husband, Goni Abbah, she had tried to exit the marriage but all her efforts failed.
“I never wanted the marriage. Goni was my second husband; I got separated from my first husband because I hate marriage.
“Anytime I woke up with the fact that I am married, it pieces me off. At some point, I had to run to my parent to demand an end to the marriage but they always sent me back, asking me to be patient,” the suspect told the News Agency of Nigeria (NAN).
While in tears, Fatima recounted how she had gone to the extent of sometimes fleeing from the house to sleep outside, in a bid to have some respite from whatever was chasing her from the peaceful matrimonial home.
She lamented that she didn’t know what was wrong with her and that she couldn’t say with certainty that she killed her husbandwho was the Chief Imam of the area.
The actress appeared on The Breakfast Club on Thursday to discuss her views on tying the knot, now that she and Carmelo Anthony have been divorced for over a year.
I’m never getting married again,” she said around the 9:56 minute-mark. “It’s one of those things in life that I feel like I could check it off. Like, ‘Okay, I did that.’ Maybe people want to say they’ve experienced that. I’ve experienced it and I know the good and the bad that happened to me so it’s not something I want to experience again. I can have an incredible relationship with somebody and not be married.”
She continued, “And I’m not knocking anybody who’s married, it didn’t work for me. I’m all for anyone it worked for. I feel like marriage at times becomes very much like [a] business thing. And what I found with marriage is easy to get into and harder to get out of when you’re dealing with lawyers and this and that, and it just gets really complicated. I don’t feel like I need that.”
La La and Melo’s divorce became official in July 2021 a month after La La filed for divorce, citing irreconcilable differences. La La recently revealed in Alex Cooper’s Call Her Daddy podcast that Melo’s 2011 trade to the New York Knicks from the Denver Nuggets was the “start” of their rocky marriage, explaining that everything became “complicated” in New York.
She described Denver as being “laid-back” for her, but that New York came with extra “scrutiny,” and that “things got tough with New York, just constantly being under the spotlight and people watching every little thing.
The former couple became engaged in 2004 and said I do in 2010. Their now-15-year-old son Kiyan was born in 2007. In 2017, the pair first split and had been on and off since then.
La La also divulged that only 21 and 22-year-olds want to date her. “I don’t understand this. … I’m not saying when you get older you want to date younger guys, but when you get older, only younger guys want to date you,” she said.
Education has been identified as one of the major factors that affect the marital decisions of women. Most women are caught between acquiring higher education and getting married early and they have to decide to choose one or find themselves being forced to be married (Coontz, 2012). Hence, there used to be a huge trade-off between choosing education and a husband. Three-quarters of the total number of women who graduated from College before 1900 in the United States remained unmarried (Coontz, 2012). This shows that those women have forgone marriage to pursue their educational aspirations Coontz (2012).
Though there is a debate about educated women intentionally choosing to be single, there is also the belief that others do not consciously delay or reject marriage. For this group of women, their achievements including higher educational attainment intimidate men. The educated woman is viewed in some communities as an intimidating figure to men and so unconsciously drives away prospective suitors. This belief or perception is linked to the assumption that the educated woman develops an assertive, independent character that makes it impossible for her to love, honor and “obey” a man as “real” wives should do (Coontz, 2012).
Some peopleeven joke that when they meet a woman with a Ph.D., they need not find out what her area of specialization is. This is because, they assume that Ph.D. means “Putting Hubby Down” (Coontz, 2012). University education is considered a factor associated with later and fewer marriages for most women. Hence, there is the perception that higher education is negatively related to marriages (Raymo, 2013).
These have led some Ph.D. supervisors on African continents to even advise black women pursuing their Ph. Ds to marry before completing their degrees. This is because they feel their chances of finding a suitable suitor decline after completion. They feel black men feel uncomfortable marrying such women, probably due to ego issues. Other studies also explained the market is slim for such Ph.D. black women as they turn to also marry men in their class with a higher portfolio. Besides, men with PhDs or Professors would want to marry women who are not in their class. Singh and Samara (1996) argue that the level of education of a woman tends to influence the time and age at which she will commit to marriage.
I have also read numerous studies suggesting that the higher our black women acquired terminal degrees the higher their chances of not getting married. It is interesting how acquiring a terminal degree will affect their chances of getting a suitable spouse as compared to white women who also acquire a terminal degree. For instance, (Boyd et al. 2020) found an unavailability of partners for educated black women as men prefer women of other races with similar education. This leads black women to compromise more to acquire their wants if they have the means to get their wants and deem that it is valuable enough to take a risk.
For highly educated Black women, their negotiation of partner scarcity can directly influence their engagement in or acceptance of compromising behaviors. Given that there is an acknowledgment within the research that educated Black women perceive a lack of ideal available partners, it is asserted that these women may perceive that they must compromise some aspect of their partner selection criteria and ensuing expectations and beliefs. As such, these women may be less likely to leave unsatisfying relationships or renegotiate personal values or perceptions of an ideal partner to “fit” what is currently available. This could happen at various stages of the relationship and could directly shape the power dynamics within the couple. This also has implications for negative outcomes, depending on the degree to which a woman perceives herself as having power in the relationship. Also, researchfrom Yale University suggests that highly educated black women are twice as likely to have never been married by the age of 45 as white women with similar education.
Niambi Carter, 31, has a Ph.D. and is an assistant professor of political science at Purdue University, admits that she has been hard-pressed to find a black mate with a similar level of education. A similar study(Muntari-Sumara, B, 2015) from Ghana also revealed that the majority of educated women prefer marriage to singlehood and cohabitation. Companionship and societal expectations were identified as the major influencers of women’s marital decisions. Also, education was found to affect the marriage preferences of women to some extent. There was a direct relationship between higher educational aspiration and marriage desire.
The Pew Research Center, also reports that College-educated adults are more likely to be married than less-educated adults. Among those who were ages 25 and older in 2014, 65% of those with a bachelor’s degree or more were married, compared with 53% of adults with less education, according to a Pew Research Center analysis.
While the research does not address reasons these marriages last longer, we do know that college-educated adults marry later in life and are more financially secure than less-educated adults.
Though such women struggled to find suitors, research also found that such women who finally marry have lower divorce rates ( McLanahan, Sara. 2004. “Diverging Destinies: How Children Fare Under the Second Demographic Transition.” Demography. 41(4): 607-627.) There are several reasons for this. Less educated individuals typically marry at an earlier age, which is associated with higher divorce rates. Additionally, the lower incomes and greater economic insecurity of those with less education increase stress, affecting divorce.
A previous study found a different association( Casey et al. 2012) and estimate that 78% of college-educated women who married for the first time between 2006 and 2010 could expect their marriages to last at least 20 years. But among women who have a high school education or less, the share is only 40%.
England and Bearak(nd) found that early in the life cycle, those who ultimately get more education are less likely to have married than their less educated counterparts. This is because those staying in school longer also delay getting married longer. But by age 40, the well-educated have caught up with the less educated and even surpassed them in the percentage that has married. The education differences in whether people ever marry are small for whites, but quite large for blacks, owing partly to the very low marriage rates of the most disadvantaged blacks—those without a high school or less.
Living together and Divorce
The Pew Research Center also reports that couples who lived together before getting married had a slightly lowerchance of having a long-term marriage than those who did not live together.
Among women who did not live with their spouse before getting married for the first time, 57% can expect to still be married after 20 years. For women who lived with their spouse before marriage, the probability of being married for at least 20 years is somewhat lower – 46%. Whether the couple was engaged when they lived together didn’t make a difference in women’s chances of long-lasting marriages.
For men, the patterns are slightly different. In this case, it matters whether men are engaged to a partner they lived with before getting married. Men who lived with their future spouse without being engaged had a slightly lower chance of having a long-term marriage (49%) than those who were engaged first (57%). Men who didn’t live with their partner before getting married had a 60% chance of celebrating their 20th anniversary.
Marriage longevity by Race
Marriage survival is also dependent on race and ethnicity. Some of these differences could be related to educational differences among adults with different racial or ethnic backgrounds. The Pew Research Center also found that Asian women, who are among the most educated, are more likely than any other racial or ethnic group to have a long-term marriage. “For Asian women who were married for the first time between 2006 and 2010, the chance that they may celebrate their 20th wedding anniversary is nearly 70%. By contrast, about half of Hispanic and white women may see their marriages last that long. And for black women, the chance is 37%.
Among men, Hispanics have the highest likelihood of being in a long-lasting marriage (findings about Asian men are not included because the sample size was too small to be nationally representative). For those who married for the first time between 2006 and 2010, about six-in-ten Hispanic men (62%) could expect their marriages to last at least 20 years, compared with 54% of white men and 53% of black men”.
Take Home
Studies have found that the higher a woman, especially a black educated herself, the less she is to get a suitor. For instance, Frazier et al. (1996) found out that more educated and financially secure women exhibit less desire for marriage. Singh and Samara (1996) found different reasons in their study. Others such as Goldscheider and Whaite, (1986) and Oppenheimer (1988) likewise argue that women who have a college education and have strong work orientation or relatively high income may delay their time of marriage but that does not interfere with their desire for marriage. They also state that this category of women has stronger marriage desirability but may delay marriage because they need to build the capability in helping to reduce some of the economic burdens that are borne primarily by their partners.
Hayward et al. (1995) and Botkin et al. (2000) also found that women with a college education have classless marriage role expectations and this keeps increasing as they further their education because increasing education allows the women more time in searching and choosing their desired marriage partners. The findings of Hayward et al. (1995) and Botkin et al. (2000) have been downplayed by researchers like Gordon (2003).
Gordon (2003) argues that highly educated women’s lower desire for marriage may be highly linked to the perceived lack of high-quality mates desired by these women and not necessarily their educational level. Bledsoe, (1990) also centered on women’s fertility issues and education and found that fertility is somehow lower among educated women in Africa as young women who manage to get more education to tend to avoid pregnancy. Bledsoe (1990) also found out from Brandon’s 1984 survey that educated women in Freetown have the longest marriage delays.
This Might Surprise You. This means that our women pursuing PhDs and other higher education; have limited suitors but when they get married, they have higher chances of lasting marriages according to studies.
By Prof. Raphael Nyarkotey Obu
The writer is a Professor of Naturopathic Healthcare, President, of Nyarkotey College of Holistic Medicine & Technology (NUCHMT)/African Naturopathic Foundation. E-mail: collegeofholisticmedicine@gmail.com.
DISCLAIMER: Independentghana.com will not be liable for any inaccuracies contained in this article. The views expressed in the article are solely those of the author’s and do not reflect those of The Independent Ghana
I admired my future husband from afar for a couple of years before we finally met at a horse show where we were both competitors. He had a great sense of humour, was a terrific horseman, and looked like Frank Sinatra. I was hooked.
He was recently divorced and looking. Of course, I had been looking at him for a long time already. I was 20 and he was 45. I saw nothing but his smile. Neither the age difference nor the fact that he was two inches shorter than I am made any difference.
There was something about him that caught and held my attention. Perhaps it was the way he treated his horses…he talked baby talk to them and I loved it.
Our first date followed that show.
We put our horses away in their respective barns then he picked me up for dinner in his Rolls Royce. He was wealthy, but it made no difference to me. He could have been a starving, out-of-work cowboy; I didn’t care. It was love at first sight.
Within a year, I was marrying an older man.
We were married and continued our winning ways together.
One of our horse trainer friends invited us to dinner one evening. The wife was older than I was but she, too, was many years younger than her husband. After eating, the men talked about horses and training while we girls sat in the kitchen over a cup of tea and talked about being married to men twice our age.
She mentioned that although she loved her husband dearly, he was slowing down and she was still rearing to go. She warned me about what was to come. Aches, pains, and illnesses…she didn’t paint a pretty picture.
Some years later my husband had a stroke. He was 58. Within the year, I found myself alone, running a ranch without my best friend and confidant. I was only 34.
Things that had been so routine suddenly seemed strange and out of place. I began to doubt my abilities in the show ring. I was no different, but my life certainly was. The vultures came out of nowhere, and I had no one to watch my back.
I had to keep telling myself that although my partner was gone, I was still the same person, I held the same knowledge, and my talents were still as great as ever. Yet a part of me was missing. It was hard to function as a whole person.
I had known for a year that his life was ebbing and he would be leaving me. I often thought of what would be worse: a knock at the door informing me that my husband had been killed in a car wreck or watching him slowly slip away, hour by hour, day after day.
I was with him when he took his last breath. I felt as though it was mine. One second he was there and the next he was gone. We had said all there was to say between two people in love. Sharing the good times and the sad times, we relived our entire married life within a few days. Then he was gone.
I missed hearing him in the barn, talking to the horses. I expected him to walk around the corner any second to ask me a question or ask for my help. Instead, there was only silence. Day after lonely day … silence.
I no longer had the desire to go to the shows, let alone win. I questioned what would happen to me. I wanted to shrivel up and die with him. My life as I had known it was over.
My saving grace was running into the woman that had long ago warned me about what I was in for by marrying a much older man. She too had lost her husband.
She had continued running their ranch after her husband’s death. I figured that if she could make it, so could I. I asked her to tell me the steps to dealing with the pain and the emptiness. She shared her grieving process with me, advising me to continue my life as it had been before he died. It helped, but still, the pain and numbness remained.
Slowly, I dug into my horse business again, realizing that my late husband wouldn’t be happy if I quit and walked away from what we had built. I started showing again…and winning. With each blue ribbon, I’d raise it in the ring as though showing it to my love. I could feel his approval and could picture that ice-melting smile.
Over time I realized that he wasn’t “gone,” he was just in a different form. I can still feel his presence at times. Love never dies — not even death can end it.
Before he died, he told me to remarry and live happily; I was too young to be single and alone. It took a couple of years to get to know myself again before finding my current husband. He, too, is perfect for me. We’re a match made in Heaven if you know what I mean.
The Reverend Daniel Kwesi Ayim, Pastor in charge of the Mount Moriah Congregation of the Presbyterian Church has advised couples to endeavor to save their marriages by resolving conflicts. His statement was based on the fact that “Marriage is a blessing from God.”
He said conflicts in marriage should help couples to learn about each other and grow together and should not result in divorce.
Rev. Ayim gave the advice when the Mount Moriah Congregation organised an event dubbed: “Couples Night” to discuss “Managing conflicts in Marriage.”
The event is part of activities to celebrate the Church’s 25th anniversary celebration.
The pastor advised couples to try and manage their anger when issues come up in their relationship and always be committed to resolving the issues rather than giving up on the relationship.
“Keep your issues private as much as possible, however seek advice when you need to and only when the two persons involved have agreed to seek external advise,” he said also urging them to always ensure that they identify the right person should they need external help.
Mrs Hannah Awadzi, a psychologist assistant and author of the book Near Divorce, advised couples to always go on a journey of self-discovery and self-awareness to be able to better deal with conflicts when they arise in their marriage.
“Deal with yourself first, know yourself, know how you are triggered to be able to better handle conflicts when they arise in your marriage,” she said
Mr Maxwell Padi Narh, a legal practitioner, took the couples through the role lawyers play in during conflicts in marriage.
“A lawyer does not advise you to go get a divorce or otherwise, a lawyer comes in when the marriage is already an empty shell and you need legal backings to amicably divorce,” he said.
Ms Patience Mario, a Police Prosecutor, advised couples in the congregation to be mindful of how they discipline their children, “don’t pass your anger from your spouses onto your children, discipline your children when you need to but with love.”
She said beating a child mercilessly in the name of discipline constituted child abuse and parents could be arrested if reported to the police.
Call it inter-political marriage and you will not be far from right. Families are bound together by blood, adoption or marriage.
Inter and intra-tribal marriages in Ghana are very common. Intra-political marriages are also common but inter-political marriages are somewhat rare in Ghana.
Usually, public exchanges on politics often get very heated and followers of the political parties seem not to see eye to eye but behind the public sphere, after the radio and TV arguments, politicians in and of themselves are good friends who wine and dine together.
Over the weekend, two young love birds whose families are ‘politically opposed’ tied the knot in a private ceremony in Accra.
The two, Kwaw Blay, the son of the former New Patriotic Party, NPP, National Chairman, Freddie Blay married Jasmine, who is also niece to Betty Mould Iddrisu, former Attorney General and Minister of Justice.
The ceremony was attended by members of both families. In some photos shared on social media, the families appeared excited about the young couple.
Mother of the groom, Gina Blay, who is also Ghana’s Ambassador to the Federal Republic of Germany, in a tweet, shared photos of the two families with smiles and wrote “and they shall become One! Kwaw & Jasmine Blay.”
This is not the first there has been an inter-political marriage in the country. In April 2021, Chief Biney, Deputy National Organiser of the National Democratic Congress, NDC, married his sweetheart, Afia Akoto the Deputy Chief Executive Officer of the MASLOC.
Biney is quoted to have stated that he is in a political position to serve for a number of years and then leave for others to come and take over but he is in his marriage forever and therefore will always go home to his wife.
“OB anyday I will go home. Now if you become a President don’t you have a period you serve? You should think, people should be wise and let’s understand that at the end of the day, the power we look for is to serve and when you serve your people within a period you’ll not be there,” he said on Accra-based Asempa FM.
You probably got married as friends, but then found yourselves running into difficulty because you each had your own way of living and doing. You came from one family, and your partner came from another family, and those families were different.
Your job as a couple is to create some boundaries and rules that will guide you in your marriage. But if you’ve never created any rules before, and you or your partner don’t like rules and boundaries, it won’t be an easy task. (read more)
Who is the Leader?
You are equal partners making decisions in marriage. Responsibilities must be divided up. You need policies, procedures, and rules in order to work cooperatively as well as independently.
You will enjoy working together as you know each other better and gain confidence in each other’s decision-making ability. Developing faith and trust takes many months. Forging a new way of life from your different backgrounds takes time and patience.
Remember, you are equal partners. You are both vitally interested in all areas of the marriage. As in a business, consult with each other and participate in making decisions and reviewing them. (read more)
Competing Spouses
When the Dolans, a Christian couple, came to see me, they had not spoken to each other for several weeks. The tension had become unbearable.
The issue was over dancing in gym class. Hal Dolan had said flatly that their son should not participate.
Melissa Dolan had agreed in front of her husband, but privately gave their son permission to participate. Hal found out about it through a conversation with a neighbor who had visited the gym class. (read more)
Competing Spouses
When the Dolans, a Christian couple, came to see me, they had not spoken to each other for several weeks. The tension had become unbearable.
The issue was over dancing in gym class. Hal Dolan had said flatly that their son should not participate.
Melissa Dolan had agreed in front of her husband, but privately gave their son permission to participate. Hal found out about it through a conversation with a neighbor who had visited the gym class.
That night at dinner Mr. Dolan asked his son Dave, “What do you do during gym class?”
”I study in the library” he lied. Then Mr. Dolan told them what he had heard. There was a bitter fight that night. Hal ordered Dave to obey him. Dave refused. His mother backed Dave.
Mr. Dolan threatened to leave and Melissa told him to go. His bluff was called. He didn’t leave, but they hadn’t spoken since.
It was impossible to talk to them together. One contradicted the other. After many sessions, it became clear that this incident was only the last straw. Across the years they had clashed over many issues.
The Dolans were competitors, opponents. I referred them to a Biblical principle: “I appeal to you, brothers, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you agree with one another so that there may be no divisions among you and that you may be perfectly united in mind and thought” (1 Corinthians 1:10).
This was inconceivable to them. Even though they went to church regularly they never really took the Bible seriously, and they seldom consulted it. Mr. Dolan perceived his role as head of the house to mean that he should give the orders without consulting his wife. To consider her opinion meant that he was weak. To her, it was important that she stick up for her rights, or she would lose her identity.
”What you are really saying,” I told them separately, “is that you must have your own way.” Both had the personal problem of selfishness. The issue over folk dancing only brought their problem to a head.
After many counseling sessions together, there was finally a confession to the Lord of selfishness and a plea to Him for help in getting on the same team. With a new spirit of oneness between them, the Dolans are now working out a mutually agreeable and satisfactory life together.
The names and certain details in this true case history have been changed to protect each person’s identity and privacy.
We’ve all heard of the word “cougar” being used negatively to describe married older women who develop a liking toward younger men. I’ve never understood why this label is so guilt-inducing. Is it because it isn’t righteous for a married woman to feel attracted to a younger man? Or are we just too orthodox to accept women exploring their sexuality?
Whatever the reason, we are nobody to judge yet sexist terms like “sugar mama” and “cougar” are casually thrown around. A more couth term for such relationships is “May-December Romance”. The judgment notwithstanding, these relationships are becoming commonplace. According to a survey, 34% of women over the age of 40 were dating younger men.
However, it is also true that they continue to face societal contempt when age shouldn’t be a problem because no one other than the two people in a relationship really knows what works for them. We know age-gap relationships, even the ones where one partner is married, are no secret. Our objective here is to address another question altogether: why do older women like younger men? Let’s find out.
Married older women dating younger men is not unheard of. It’s frowned upon but we have seen it more often than we would like to openly discuss. This can happen for a host of reasons, ranging from lack of fulfillment in the primary relationship to a need to relive the optimism and positivity of one’s youth through a younger paramour.
What about the younger man in such an equation? What draws him to an older, married woman? Responding to this question, a Reddit user says, “I’m currently in a situation where I am sleeping with a woman who is 8 years older than me. Apart from the fact that she is very attractive and still pretty young (32), things are simple and straightforward; no drama. She also has a daughter. She tells you what she wants, you tell her what she wants, no immature games.”
When a married woman stares at you, it could be thrilling and enticing. You start looking for signs a married woman wants you to make a move over text or in person. Before you do that, you may want to know why she is drawn to you. Here are some reasons:
1. Boredom in her marriage
One of the main reasons why an older woman could be inclined toward a younger man is that she finds him exciting. She is probably bored of her husband and there are chances her marriage could be in a rut. There are many reasons why husbands lose interest in their wives. Her husband may not be interested in spending quality time with her, taking her out on date nights, or being affectionate toward her. The lack of spark in her marriage could be the reason why she is attracted to you.
2. Younger men are physically fit
No beer belly, no saggy chest, and no wrinkles – the physique of a younger man could be attractive to an older woman. When a married woman stares at younger men, it could be because she is attracted to their physical fitness. Perhaps, she has been married for a long time and doesn’t find her spouse attractive anymore. This can work both ways. Older men date younger women because they find them more attractive than women their age.
3. Her spouse isn’t treating her right
Women love nothing more than to be treated with respect. Maybe there is a lack of respect in the relationship. If you treat her with respect, she may begin to warm up to you and may even take the initiative to ask you out. Making the first move is one of the most common signs an older woman likes a younger man.
Ameilia, a woman in her early 40s from Seattle, says, “My husband and I have been married for almost 12 years now. We were madly in love when we got married. But things started fizzling out and now we barely even speak to each other.
“I started dating this young guy I met at my friend’s birthday party. It wasn’t just about sex. I had forgotten what it felt like to be seen and truly admired. I was judged for being predatory and creepy for liking ‘young boys’. These were the exact words my in-laws used when they found out about the affair.”
4. She wants to try new things
When two people have been married for a long time, chances are their sex life becomes boring and unpredictable. Sex becomes a chore and not an intimate act that two people enjoy and derive pleasure from. Often, older women feel attracted to younger men because they see in them a potential mate who can give them the pleasure they want, try exciting things in bed, and fulfill their desires. Or maybe the married woman is separated from her husband and wants to spice up her sex life.
Speaking of the reason behind older women liking younger men, a Reddit user replied, “When I was 26-27, I dated two different 18-year-olds (each of them for a few weeks). So, about a 9-year age gap. The sex was really hot. I love how insatiable younger guys are.”
5. She wants to feel young and have fun
Older women who date younger men are often fascinated by the latter’s choices and lifestyle. They feel that a young man would revive their sense of adventure and make them revisit their youth. They are open to new experiences with a younger partner because they are exhausted by the predictability of their married life.
A Reddit user shares why dating a younger guy made them feel young, “I dated a 22-year-old when I was 32. I knew it was sort of a “summer project” going into it, no real prospect for a long-term relationship so that really took the pressure off. We had FUN. He was up for almost anything and was excited about almost everything. I knew if I asked him to go to a concert or a party or even just out for lunch, he was going to say yes and he was going to see it as an adventure.
“Guys I had dated before were always laid back and cynical and afraid to be excited about anything. The young guy was super-hot and demonstrative in public, which made me feel sexy and desired.”
6. She is finally getting the validation she deserves
Validation in a relationship is when one partner understands and accepts the other person’s emotions, problems, and concerns. It’s one of the elements of developing respect in a marriage. It’s about how you genuinely care for your partner and try to comprehend and acknowledge their troubles. When an older woman doesn’t get this validation in her primary relationship, she might look for it in a younger partner.
7. The younger man isn’t dependent on her
Most older women are financially independent. They know basic life skills and can survive without anyone’s help. However, that’s not the case in older men. A report by McKinsey Global Institute found that 75% of unpaid care work, which includes cooking, cleaning, washing, and caring for children and the elderly, is done by women.
They are confident, have stable careers, and are self-assured. When she starts dating a younger guy, there is no need for her to look after him as she does for her husband. Maybe that’s what she wants. A fun and exciting connection with someone sans the baggage of responsibilities.
8. There are no strings attached
Older women date younger men because they like the idea of having a companion without any commitment. It’s a no strings attached relationship where they meet, have fun, talk their hearts out, and go back to their respective lives.
James, a 24-year-old software engineer, says, “A married woman likes me but avoids me when I bring up the subject of commitment. It started as casual hookups but I’ve grown to really like her. I recently confessed the idea of being in an exclusive relationship but she ignored the topic.”
9. She likes the attention he showers her with
Married men tend to take their wives for granted. They are always on their phone even when they aren’t working or when their wives are trying to have a conversation with them. Women want nothing more than attention and appreciation in a relationship. An older woman may fall for a younger man who gives her the attention she wants.
10. It boosts her ego
The attention of a young man could boost their confidence and ego. Feeling desired after a very long time could make her feel young and happy. This is one of the benefits of extramarital affairs. Georgina, a woman in her early 40s says, “As an older woman attracted to a younger guy who is in his 20s, I can say that young guys are sweeter in general.
“He has no tantrums. He doesn’t care about how much I earn or what I can bring to the table in this dynamic. Everything is so spontaneous. He is more respectful than both my husbands have ever been and his desire for me really boosts my confidence.”
11. Younger men are more fertile and she wants to get pregnant
A study that analyzed 631 women aged between 40 and 46 and their partners whose ages ranged between 25 and 70 found that older women who are trying to conceive should seek younger men.
Biological clock ticks for both men and women. So, if a woman is recently divorced, lonely after a divorce, or separated from her husband and wants to get pregnant, she may turn toward a younger man, who is more fertile than any prospect her age or older.
12. She likes the thrill of dating young boys
If she has been settled and living comfortably for a long time, the idea of dating someone new, especially someone younger than her, can be tempting. A Reddit user shared, “I do like admiring attractive young men from a distance, yes, because the idea of being with them is thrilling. But I wouldn’t consider being in a relationship with one.”
13. She is genuinely in love with him
Has age got to do anything with love? Certainly not. If you’re mature enough to be in a relationship with an older woman and know how to treat her right, she may have genuinely fallen for you.
A woman on Reddit shares about dating a younger man. The user says, “My boyfriend and I started dating when my ex-husband and I were on the brink of getting a divorce. Women sure are judged more for dating younger guys. I refuse to explain us beyond saying I feel like we are a sexy inter-generational change that the world needs to see.”
We really need to get out of this negative stigma around older women dating younger men. If you both are on the same level of maturity, trust, and respect for each other, then nothing should stop you from being together.
Can an older woman-younger man relationship work?
When asked on Reddit if such relationships can work, a user replied, “I (27M) just had one of the best weekends of my life with my partner (48F). We even had dinner with her son (23M). I feel like we’re only growing closer every day I get to spend with her. We have been together for around 8 months and I say she’s the only good thing to happen this year.”
Older women are more self-assured and confident. These are some female features that attract a man immensely. Even if such a relationship may begin for the thrill and excitement of it all, it can turn into something meaningful and long-term, if the couple establishes ground rules and boundaries from the get-go.
There is no reason for such relationships to not work. Any relationship, irrespective of age and sexual preference has its own set of challenges and hurdles. The relationship between married older women and younger men is no different. The age gap doesn’t matter when you’re in love.
Key Pointers
Older women attracted to younger men want to experience the thrill of dating someone much younger than them
It boosts their confidence and ego
An older woman attracted to a younger man wants to revive her sex life
If a married woman smiles at you, it doesn’t really mean that she wants to have sex with you. It could also mean that she wants to have a meaningful connection. Just because a person is getting older, doesn’t mean they don’t have the desire to be understood and loved. People don’t fall in love after carefully analyzing their age and gender. Love just happens. No reason whatsoever.
FAQs
1. What makes a woman attracted to a younger man?
A woman could be attracted to a younger man because of his physical appearance. She could be attracted to his personality, the enthusiasm to try new things, and the whole concept of no strings attached.
2. What are the signs a married woman wants you to make a move?
If a married woman smiles at you, touches you, and explicitly tells you that she is attracted to you, then these are some of the signs a married woman wants you to make a move over text or in person.
My husband of almost six years is 25 years my senior.
Our age difference might influence our choice in music but in no way does it affect our arguments, personal goals, admiration for one another, or our love.
A marriage is a relationship built on love and I can’t imagine sharing my life (I’m 28) with anyone other than my 53-year-old husband — who has been told on numerous occasions he looks like Billy Joel. Go figure.
In celebration of large age-gap relationships, here are five ways my marriage to an older man has made me a better person:
1. I listen more.
My husband Tom has had years of crazy life before me (like when he was eight and his house blew up; his time in a band; the tragic death of his four-year-old daughter in a fire), so I’ve learned to become a dynamite listener. Knowing about his life experiences — positive and negative — has been helpful in my own decision-making.
2. I’m more open-minded.
Yes, relationships like mine are more common than the reverse, but that doesn’t make it any less taboo. When Tom and I first met, I was only 18 — I certainly didn’t want my peers judging me, thinking my being with a partner older than some of their parents was “weird” or “disgusting;” or by older women who thought he was only with me for my youth or that I was one manifestation aspect of a mid-life crisis. The old saying “treat others as you would like to be treated” really comes into play here.
3. He knows what he’s doing.Â
Self-consciousness aside, our relationship slowly progressed from sideward glances and intellectual conversation over lunch to long kisses and passionate embraces during afternoons spent in bed. Unlike younger guys, the experience with Tom was more about the two of us than just him and his desires. Maybe like a fine wine, men too, improve with age.
4. He helps me relish today.
Tom has taught me to appreciate the moment I’m in and not live for the future — as we young people will do, particularly in today’s society of acquisition and titles. He reminds me not to wish my life away because, in the blink of an eye, I’ll be his age
5. I’ve learned to follow my heart.
Despite being told our age difference would tear us apart, Tom and I have both learned that those 25 years had brought us closer together than anyone could have imagined—including us. We knew our love was real and didn’t let the naysayers influence our romance.
Understanding that you have to live your life for yourself is such an important realization and one that many of us forget when it comes to everything from what type of career to pursue to whom we fall in love with.
According to Gifty Mawunya Nkornu, wife of actor John Dumelo, in a post shared, the traditional wedding of Samera was over and her white wedding is expected to hold at exactly 3:00 p.m.
Samera is walking down the aisle with her sweetheart, Seloame Baëta, who is an engineer and project manager at Cenpower.
The beautiful couple already has photos and videos from their traditional wedding flying on social media.
The Tema Regional office of the Commission on Human Rights and Administrative Justice (CHRAJ) has advised women to insist on their right to matrimonial property.
Senior Principal Investigator of CHRAJ at the Tema Regional Office, Mr John Ato Breboh, said women have the right to matrimonial property when their spouse dies, and they should not allow the families of their husbands to deprive them of that right.
He said this when speaking with the Ebenezer Society of Tema Community one on the topic: “Matrimonial Property Right,†as part of a comprehensive citizen sensitization programme started by CHRAJ Tema Regional Office.
The citizen engagement was to educate them on specific issues of human rights, child marriage, domestic abuse, violence, and other functions of the Commission and empower the public to seek redress in case of infractions on their rights.
Mr Breboh explained that for polygamous marriages, surviving spouses were entitled to equal shares of 50 per cent of the estate, the children, 40 per cent, five per cent to the parent(s), and five per cent to customary devolution.
“A spouse shall have equal access to property jointly acquired during marriage; assets which are jointly acquired during marriage shall be distributed equitably between the spouses upon dissolution of the marriage,†he said.
However, a wife is not legally entitled to her husband’s self-acquired property and can only enjoy her husband’s self-acquired property till her husband’s death; “a wife cannot claim her husband’s property before or after divorce at most, a wife can only claim money for her maintenance or alimonyâ€.
The Senior Principal Investigator said CHRAJ wanted to expose residents, especially women to the 1992 Constitution Article 22, “which states that a spouse shall not be deprived of a reasonable provision out of the estate of a spouse whether or not the spouse died having made will or notâ€.
He stressed that upon divorce, a spouse shall have equal rights to the share of the property that they had acquired.
Mr Breboh advised couples, especially women, to ensure that their marriages were registered and attended by the relatives of both the man and the woman.
Josh Obeng, son of renowned pastor and founder of the Calvary Charismatic Centre, Rev. Ransford Obeng joined Nana Adwoa Sarkodie on her weekly Instagram live sessions for yet another interesting conversation surrounding “Dating in Christianity”.
This comes barely a week after the sexual immorality discussions with Gospel musician Diana Hamilton.
The young pastor reiterated the importance of abstaining from sex until marriage describing his own experience while dating his wife. “I did all the dirty before I got born-again, but after that I made up my mind that when I dated again, it would meet the standards of God and the Bible. So when dating my wife, it was very difficult because she is pretty and I was attracted to her but we waited till we got married” he said.
According to Pastor Josh, dating in Christianity is getting to know someone in a way that leads to marriage, while dating in the world has an end goal of having fun and simply enjoying yourself. He urged single people not to be overwhelmed with the pressure of getting married, as there are so many advantages of being single, including the freedom to make quick decisions and accomplish all your dreams, without the responsibilities accompanied by a wife or children.
Responding to a question about searching for a partner, Josh Obeng made these relevant points;
1. “Do not be unequally yoked with an unbeliever. So you can’t date or marry an unbeliever if you’re a true Christian”
2. “Don’t date someone that would put you before God. Be proud to be number two. If your partner has no respect for the God who created them, how would they respect you?”
3. “Find someone you can share your life with. Look for someone who has a life you can share in. You need to become someone who has the life that is worth sharing in”
3. “Don’t date anyone who has no purpose in life. Ask them about their purpose and not just where they see themselves in the next 10 years. Your purpose, ideologies and values must align. If you can’t agree on things like children, careers, finance, you can’t have a successful marriage”
4. “Don’t date someone you don’t respect because there’s going to be some form of submission, and it only gets harder to submit if you don’t respect your spouse”
He insisted that when you’re dating and having sex, you often spend all your energy on having sex without asking the person what they believe in and what their purposes are. So you get married and discover their true character only to become disappointed.
“Don’t be caught in a room alone with your partner because you’re not an angel. Temptations will rise and something can happen. Sexual desires are very strong and powerful. Don’t get yourself caught in compromising situations. Put benchmarks in place and possibly avoid French kissing” he added.
One of the most intriguing revelations the pastor made was in relation to “finding a soul mate”. He explained the mindset that there is only a particular person designed for you to marry is from a Greek mythology and not Biblical.
“The prophetic word is not supposed to make a decision for you. Your pastor or parents should not choose a partner for you. It’s important to receive their counsel, but you still have to make a personal decision.”
“If you follow Biblical principles in dating and marriage, divorce becomes impossible. However, in the unlikely situation of an abuse in marriage, there should be a separation and hopefully when the person changes, there can be a reconciliation” he answered a viewer.
In another question about the ideal time period for getting to know someone, Pastor Josh explained the only important thing was to establish trust and transparency, which could be relative, making a time limit impossible to pin. “I knew my wife for fifteen (15) years before getting married but others can get to know their partners in just six (6) months and still get married successfully. One of the gifts of the spirits everyone needs to have is the spirit of discernment. Sometimes, emotions can cloud your judgement which is why you need Godly counsel and wisdom” he said.
The 2-part interview is available to watch via @nanaadwoasarkodie on Instagram and also on YouTube Nana Adwoa Sarkodie.
An African man whose name was given as Kumbung, Ras Mubarak has urged African Men to consider marrying two wives as that will give them peace of mind in their Marriages.
It was gathered that Kumbung who is a member of Parliament advised African Men to desist from marrying one wife for it doesn’t show the spirit of Africa but those who who choose to marry one wife are not Africans.
“As an African man, I encourage my fellow African Men to Marry two wives or more. There’s so much joy in marrying two wives as I’m a living witness to such much joy and excitement in marrying more wives”, Kumbung said.
Modern Ghana reported that the Lawmaker is a Marijuana cultivator said he will go into weed farming after exiting Parliament in December. Adding that he disclosed that Cannabis is a multi-million job that creates opportunities.
“I’ll start the Cultivation of Cannabis not for smoking but strictly for businesses. Marijuana farming is a Multi-million business that creates opportunities and people are making huge money in it.
The entering of a marriage institution is very vital in the lives of many people across this continent. The African society have been holding the norms of traditional marriages since time immemorial. It is the aim of every young lady to get married to a very promising or successful man when the time comes for her to marry.
Therefore, decisions regarding marriages are very important since one ought to think through well before deciding and accepting to marry someone. In the olden days, people use to marry at a very tender age, but recently due to cultural infiltration from the Western Civilization, the average age for someone (especially) ladies to enter into marriage is now between 23-30 years.
Factors such as schooling, career accomplishments, and other life objectives come to play in determining the time one will want to marry. It is now normal for ladies to decide to marry after completing their first degree in studies.
This has been epitomized by the marriage of one University of Cape Coast Student who just completed her first degree in 2019. Miss. Florence Antwi enrolled in the UCC in 2015 where she studied Commerce with options in Accounting. But little did she know that she would meet her husband in her third year of study and there was no probability that it would even be her own lecturer.
Dr. Idun Asare, the lecturer in question here, lectured Miss Florence in Business Research Methods in her third year, and as fate would have it, they got to know themselves better and started studying themselves and hoping for a future together.
They kept their relationship to themselves and away from the students and other lecturers in the department. As a result of this, it was almost impossible for her classmates to know that she had something doing with the lecturer. A professional relationship indeed!
Miss Florence graduated in September 2019 and it was clear that anytime on wards, she would be married by her Lecturer whom she had dated for a while now. It has been almost 7 months since Miss Florence started her mandatory national service and to the surprise of her classmates, she has been married just last Friday 22nd May, 2020 by Dr. Idun Asare.
However, due to the current social distancing measures implemented by the government, they only had their traditional marriage privately and would be having their white wedding any time soon when these restrictions have been eased.
The is some of the unusual things to happen to anyone but University they say, is a universal world!
Pictures from their Traditional wedding have been posted below.
For many, sex is the main reason for marrying; to avoid the temptation of falling into sexual misconduct, they would hurriedly marry. Others too will marry to prevent unexpected pregnancy during their courtship. I imagined how promiscuous i would become if i did not think of marriage or decide to marry in the shortest possible time. One foolish reason I married was to prevent any sexual misconduct, unexpected pregnancy and to enjoy sexual pleasure without fear or remorse.
Number 2. HEAVEN:
Have you wondered how many have died in their sins? Good people have died in their sins because of one little addiction they could not overcome. In order to overcome that sin that affects almost every single person, i had to marry. For me, marriage was my key to salvation and heaven. As a devoted Christian or religious person, If you have a sexual sin proplem and you do not know how to solve it, your best bet would be to marry; since marriage seems to be the safe haven to enjoy sex legally. For many, if they could overcome their sexual sin, they would be relieved of guilt and addiction, thus, making marriage their salvation. One of the foolish reasons I married was so that in case I died even one week into my marriage, I would make it to heaven.Lol!
Number 3. FEELINGS:
Like they say, love is the accumulation of feelings. the higher the feelings, the more you call in love. At one point, my feelings went very high, and i did what anyone in love would do…marry! Feelings are the first indicators of any attraction; without it, it becomes very difficult to know if you love someone or you’re loved by someone. When you begin to have that uncontrollable and unusal feeling for someone and the only reason to explain the feelings is that it makes you happy, then you know you’re in love. If you can measure the feelings you get when you reach a high frequency, you would know that it is time to marry. One of the foolish reasons I married was because my feelings frequency level hit the rooftop.
Number 4. HER FACE AND LEGS
I often would admire her face and legs. I would daydream about it and wonder how anyone in this world could have such smooth face and nice legs. hmm…’let me marry her, I thought. So I did. Who marries because of fine legs and face nowadays!? PS: I did not mean that she used make up kit to improve the smoothness of her legs and face; she had natural done legs and face.
Number 5. ARGUMENTS:
I almost always won arguments. lol! yea, i did. For some reason, i did not understand why she made me always ‘win’ arguments. It made me feel good about myself but also made me wonder what sort of a woman she was. I simply wanted to marry someone i can ‘win’ over and over… someone who makes me feel ‘better’ and brings out the best in me. So i decided to marry her. Have you ever argued with someone and at the end you felt very incapable and useless? Have you ever argued with someone who made you feel like your ideas are never good enough? Arguing with my partner used to be like that sometimes but most times, she would allow me have my way during arguments just to feed my manly ego. I realized that after I seemed to have won an argument, I would go to her to console and encourage her then I end up accepting her point of view. Well, for me, the fact that I felt good about winning an initial argument made me happy. One foolish reason I married was to win arguments.
Number 6: She ate dog meat
How weird! Upon all the delicacies she could find, dog meat was a delicacy where she came from. She danced funny…stumping of feet on the ground as if dodging thousand cockroaches in a room. She was the reason I first visited Navrongo in the upper east region of Ghana. She was the reason I first ate dog meat;that was her delicacy. As a matter of fact, our marriage would be incomplete if I did not provide a dog to her family. I realized I was going to marry from a group of people who enjoyed eating dogs; For some foolish reason, I did not mind; after all,dog meat tastes delicious. In short, I saw her clan to be different or Unique as you might think.
Number 7: WORK & PAY
My imagination about marriage was that after marriage, my wife’s salary will be mine too. I imagined how we will share our salaries, buy a car and build a house from it. All these day dreams pushed me to marry her oo. How many marry because they know their spouses have stable jobs?
People who see marriage as a business would always prefer spouses who have a stable job so they can help financially; but Is that not a foolish reason to marry? Who nurtures your children when both of you are busy at work? Who prepares and keeps the home when both of you are busy enriching someone else? Well, before I married, I thought like a business man;i wanted her to work very hard to help keep the home.
We’ve been married for almost 3 years and she is weaning our child and chasing her dreams. It wasn’t the kind of business plan I had for her but we would get there hopefully. Work and pay seems to be trending lifestyle recently.
Number 8: Strong Children
Before I married, I heard and read online that ladies from the Northern part of Ghana were strong and hardworking…i too, wanted a strong woman to produce stronger children for me. What a way to understand science. LOL! Indeed, she looks soft but very strong at heart. I hope our children would have such strength. Is strength transferable?
Number 9: Glass Free
Years ago, people who wore glasses were seen to be bright or intelligent, thus were very much admired by me. Now, i see people who wear glasses as ‘physically challenged’; why would i marry a physically challenged person, i sighed! Therefore, i purposed in my heart to marry someone whose family did not have any history of sight disorder. When i met my wife, she passed the test..lol! I foolishly decided to marry because because she didn’t see at glasses.
Number 10: SINGER
Listening to soothing music is one of the things i enjoy doing. I also enjoy choral tunes so i wanted to marry someone who sings chorale or is generally, a good singer. I imagined how she would sing to me in a lovely serenade mood and also how I would compose songs for her to sing. Immediately, I zoomed in to find a singer to marry. Well, I found one; she sings in a choir and composes songs too. One foolish reason I married was to have her sing for me every night. What’s yours?
In conclusion, I am only married for a few years and I have not regretted all the foolish reasons I married. They all turned out for my good.
Tell me what made you choose your partner by leaving a message in the comment section. www.victorwellrich.blogspot.com
Talented Ghanaian actor, Adjetey Anang, is celebrating thirteen years of been married to his wife.
Taking to his Instagram page, Adjetey Anang shared some photos of his beautiful wife from their recent marriage vow renewal to mark the celebration.
He wrote: “Happy 13th Anniversary to you my dearest @elom_anang . Another new beginning… Another phase to grow better & better. Wish u lots of favour & blessings!â€
Waking up to the same person for thirteen years is definitely no joke. It takes someone with balls to be able to stay faithful with one woman especially since cheating has become the new trend for most relationships.
Kennedy Osei and Tracy Ameyaw tied the knot in a traditional colourful ceremony.
Being held at Trassaco Valley, the wedding has seen many attendees flaunt their valuables including posh cars. Indeed, there is pomp and pageantry at the epic occasion.
A groom has been chased from his own wedding by an angry crowd – after his first wife arrived to let his new bride know he was already married to not one, but two other women.
Asif Rafiq Siddiqi, described as a bearded, hefty man in his mid-30s, was pushed and slapped by the crowd, his shirt torn and his pants ripped in the violence that followed the revelation.
The groom, who ended up cowering under a bus, was saved by unknown people.
Polygamy is legal in Pakistan.
However, while a man can have as many as four wives, he must get the consent of his previous wives before he marries again.
It appears that Mr Siddiqi failed to fulfil this critical step, and the first his new wife and her family knew of his previous marriages was when an enraged woman marched into the banqueting hall in the coastal city of Karachi, where celebrations were taking place.
“What’s the matter sister?” one of the bride’s relatives is heard asking on a video of the event.
The woman, Madiha Siddiqi, wasted no time in getting to the point.
“He is my husband, and he is the father of this child. He told me he was going to Hyderabad for three days,” she alleged. She was with a little boy she said was their son.
The wedding was interrupted by a woman claiming to be the first of his three wives
The family then tried to usher her into a side room, which gave her the opportunity to point out more of the people she claims are her relatives.
“That is my mother-in-law and that is my jethani [sister-in-law], who said her mother had been sick for three days and was on IV drips,” Mrs Siddqi continued, before confronting the newlywed bride directly.
“Didn’t you know that he was my husband? He didn’t even think about this innocent child.”
However, it did not stop there: Ms Siddiqi said she had married the groom in 2016, after meeting him at Karachi’s Federal Urdu University, where Mr Siddiqi is understood to work.
Then she revealed he had secretly married his second wife, named as Zehra Ashraf, a teacher at Jinnah Women’s University in Karachi, in 2018. The first Mrs Siddiqi knew of that marriage was a text message from her husband’s new wife.
Mrs Siddiqi said Mr Siddiqi initially denied that wife’s existence, but later admitted he had wed for a second time.
It was Ms Ashraf who also informed Mrs Siddiqi of the latest wedding, sending her in a rage to the celebrations.
It is not clear what exactly happened next. However, police called to the scene told BBC that relatives of the bride pounced on Asif, tore up his clothes and beat him black and blue.
Officers rescued Mr Siddiqi, taking him a nearby police station – but the bride’s relatives followed and waited for him to emerge.
They pounced the moment Mr Siddiqi reappeared – sending him scuttling under a bus. In a video of the scene, voices can be heard threatening him to “come out or we’ll put the bus on fire”.
Scared, he shouts back, “one minute, one minute”, as he prepares to crawl out. As he moves, some people intervene to prevent further violence.
BBC tried to contact Mr Siddiqi and his latest bride’s relatives for comments, but they were not available.
Rao Nazim, head of Taimuriha police station, told the BBC no formal complaint had been registered as yet.
“It is a family matter, and the complainants need to go the family court to settle their issues,” he said.
Esther Kiama was working as a teacher in Nyeri, central Kenya, when she received the call.
Her husband, David, was unwell.
“And it is not a minor illness,” the caller emphasised, and then explained: “It’s a mental illness.”
At that point, in 2005, Mrs Kiama had not seen her husband much over the previous year as he had moved to another town to set up a business.
On the times she visited she had not noticed his health problems.
But once the call came, Mrs Kiama left immediately to find him.
“We had to go get him home so that he could get medication,” she told the BBC.
Mrs Kiama said that her husband “would talk to himself, throwing his arms about, appearing to be talking to people while there was really no-one he was talking to”.
She was describing what later would be diagnosed as bipolar disorder.
“It got worse when he came home. I would leave him in the house and one day I found that he had burnt the ceiling, saying there were strange people he was looking for up there.”
It was as if her husband had transformed into someone she did not know, and she did not understand what was happening.
‘You have bewitched our son’
She decided that she would take him to hospital but her relatives would not let her.
They accused Mrs Kiama of casting a spell on her husband.
“His dad came to take him and said: ‘I have been told that my son is sick, I have come because you have bewitched him.’”
The forceful removal of her husband of 15 years was a traumatic experience for her and their four children.
“I was shocked at first, but I’m a believer, even though it really shocked me, I believed this would end,” she said.
Meanwhile she could see that her husband’s health was deteriorating.
But because of their belief that he was under a spell, Mrs Kiama’s in-laws did not look for medical help.
Mental health problems in Kenya are sometime associated with witchcraft or curses, rather than something can be treated or managed.
Kenya’s ministry of health says that many people do not seek help for these kinds of conditions and would rather conceal their illness.
The World Health Organization estimates that one in four people will be affected by a mental health problem or neurological disorder at some point in their lives.
There are no up-to-date figures for the situation in Kenya – an indication, perhaps, of how much work needs to still be done on the issue in the country.
Chased with a machete
For three years, Mr Kiama was a burden to his parents, especially to his elderly mother who at some point fell ill, seeing the sad state of her son.
Occasionally, neighbours would contact Mrs Kiama about her husband.
“Sometimes I’d be called to be told that he was in town roaming about and I’d go hire a taxi and take him back,” Mrs Kiama says. She would at times go and cook for him.
But she was still blamed for her husband’s behaviour and this filtered through to him.
“He once chased after me with a panga [machete] saying: ‘You bewitched me.’ But I asked him: ‘If you kill me, who will cook for you?’ He then threw away his panga,” she said.
Mrs Kiama was grateful that except for that incident, her husband was not violent.
What is bipolar disorder?
There are different types of bipolar
Those with type 1 experience periods of manic highs and depressive lows
Those with type 2 experience severe depression and mild manic episodes – known as hypomania – that last for a shorter period of time
Those with cyclothymia experience fewer severe mood swings, but they can last longer
During a manic episode, those with bipolar disorder can feel euphoric and have lots of energy, ambitious plans and ideas. But they can become aggressive, and experience symptoms of psychosis
The exact cause of bipolar disorder is unknown. Some experts believe it can be developed as a result of severe emotional distress as a child, as well as genetic and chemical factors
Sources: NHS, Royal College of Psychiatrists and Mind
Mrs Kiama said it was difficult watching someone she loved suffering so much from an illness that she hardly understood. She also struggled with the reaction she got from friends.
Many turned their backs on her.
Kenyan psychotherapist Maggie Gitu, who specialises in marriage, family and sex issues, said it was not right to label mentally ill people as “insane” or “crazy”, as often happens.
The labels obscure understanding the condition.
Abandoned by friends
She told the BBC that medical check-ups were necessary to determine what kind of mental disorder a person could be suffering from.
She said that mental health problems could be triggered by stress, feelings of loneliness, fear, panic or a feeling of not being appreciated.
Despite her husband’s condition, Mrs Kiama was not going to abandon him, against all the advice from her friends.
“I told them it was because of the vow. We had had a church wedding. He came to pick me from home, as a young bride.
“To say the truth, we loved each other very much… we had four children”.
Esther Kiama said her children have now been taught not to be afraid of their dad’s illness
In the end, Mrs Kiama decided that she was going to reclaim her husband from her in-laws.
“After three years, I told my children [that] we are going to steal dad,” she said.
Together with her children and a psychiatrist, they devised a way to get her husband out of his parents’ home.
By then, she said: “His finger and toe nails had grown long and dirty that it would take days to clean them. His beard and hair had overgrown so much that it gave him a horrible appearance.
“He was like Nebuchadnezzar of the Bible, totally unkempt.”
Back with the children
Mr Kiama’s bipolar disorder was then diagnosed and he was admitted to hospital for about two months.
Since leaving hospital, he has been recovering at home, although he is still on long-term medication.
The family is now back together.
“The doctor has counselled my children, how to live with their dad and they should love him the way he is… and it has worked,” Mrs Kiama said.
Robert Mugabe junior, the son of former late president Robert Mugabe, has taken to social media to show off his super-model girlfriend Hillary Makaya.
The young South African-based model popularly known as Hillzy was one of the award winners in 2016 taking home with her seven awards at the Miss Teen Heritage World in 2016.
The two made their relationship public known last weekend on Instagram. The lovebirds went on to celebrate Robert’s 27th birthday of Robert Jnr.
Robert is currently studying architecture in South Africa. He is the late president’s second child after Bona and the third child is Chatunga.
Robert and Chatunga are inseparable and popularly known for their champagne lifestyle. In 2017, the brothers got their mother, Grace, in trouble, even sparking a diplomatic controversy when she walked in a “party” and allegedly beat a model, Gabriella Engels with an electrical cord upon finding her in the boys’ rented apartment in Sandton, South Africa.
Valentine’s day is one of the best opportunities to pop the question to your partner.
If you’re ready to take your relationship to the next level and you don’t know when to propose, valentine’s day is your best bet.
Since Valentine’s day is synonymous to love, you can propose to your partner as a way of celebrating the event. One thing you’re sure of is that your partner will love the surprise. Your valentine’s day will be memorable with this idea of the proposal.
This article will give you some proposal ideas that would relate to Valentine’s day and also leave your partner stunned. Below are some of the proposal ideas you can try.
1. Recreate your first date
The first date is obviously very special to you both and recreating it would be so cheesy. It would bring back memories and rekindle the love. The night will be complete the night after popping the question. Make it more interesting by ordering the same food you ordered and the same music that was playing.
2. A surprise getaway
On the calendar, this year’s valentine’s day falls on a Friday, which means you can have a weekend getaway with your lover. A surprise getaway will prepare your partner’s excitement for the news. This is a classic and memorable;e way of proposing to your partner as it would stay memorable.
3. Skywriting
This is one of the most unique ways of proposing to your partner. It’s not the regular proposal and not so expensive. All you need to do is contact a company that’s involved in skywriting and get your proposal in full gear. A beach would be the perfect location for this.
The Reverend Thomas Henry Quamson, Senior Pastor of the Holy Ghost Worship Centre, Assemblies of God, Ashaiman, has cautioned the public to beware of fake marriage counsellors on radio, television and social media platforms.
He said many of those self-styled counsellors were untrained and lacked understanding and experience to deliver effectively.
Rev. Quamson said this during a Family and Business Dedication Service to climax the weeklong Family Life and Business Summit of the Church on Sunday.
He said wrong counselling was when the counsellor did not know the practical issues on the ground and just spoke off the cuff.
“Such reckless approach to marriage counselling is creating a lot of havoc in marriages and influencing the youths in their decisions and perception of marriage,†Rev. Quayson said.
He said Christian marriage was specially constituted by God and should be governed by sound biblical principles.
He urged Christians and the public in general to seek the services of qualified counsellors within the church to make informed decisions.
